


Echo In Between

by blakesparkles, MargaretKire



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Cute texts everywhere, Difficult choices, Feelings, Fluff, Freckles, Hux has long hair, Hux is meticulous, Hux is studying business and psychology to be like his dad, Hux is terrified of her, Hux is vegetarian, Kylo has terrible grammar and spelling, M/M, Mentions of childhood issues, Nothing too terrible, Phasma is Kylo's roommate, Some angst, Throws glitter at you and laughs, University, and slightly OCD, back painting (just wait it's amazing), both Hux and Kylo POV, coffee is a necessity of life to both of them, gorgeous hair, kylo is an artist, kylo loves it, lots of art, one of them gets sick and the other makes tea and is a mother hen, the adventures of Pumpkin and Muffin, they live next door but don't talk for ages and just pine over one another
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-06-06 19:49:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6767509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakesparkles/pseuds/blakesparkles, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargaretKire/pseuds/MargaretKire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux is a lonely grad student who's almost done with the major his father picked for him, ready to resign himself to a loveless life filled with work and little else. Kylo is a passionate art student running away from his past. Neither of them realize they are sleeping right next to each other every night, separated only by the thin bedroom wall between their apartments. </p><p>They have a hard time figuring out why they are so drawn to each other, even accidentally ordering one another's drinks at the local coffee shop, much to Hux's embarrassment. </p><p>***A huge thank you to our inspirations for this fic- two men we decided were real life Kylo and Hux, Luis and John respectively, who have absolutely NO idea we wrote this based on them. We love you, even though you have no idea who we are. Please keep being happy and beautiful. Love from Maggie and Sparkles.***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

                                                       

                                                       (More art [here](http://strawberry-soo.tumblr.com/post/143960245889))

 

Hux had no idea, that as he leant his slender back against the thin plaster, another back was pressed to his. No warmth penetrated to his side of the painted wall. No sound, no echo, no light. Neither of them knew that their heads rested a mere few feet away from one another every night. The wall between them might as well have been a vast ocean, and each an exile on a distant shore.

He flipped the pages of the heavy book balanced precariously on his knees, as he idly tapped notes on his laptop beside him on the blanket. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table. It was nearly one in the morning. He had exams coming up, but he was confident that he would pass them with flying colors, just like always. He only studied at this point in his university career because he expected it of himself. It was the proper way to do things.

Hux reached for the mug of tea by his bed. No alcohol on a school night, even though he was hardly a rookie at the school game anymore. Yet, he was still as conscientious as a freshman, studying for all his tests and exams, reading the assigned chapters in the text, even the additional suggested material that wasn’t strictly required by his professors. He never skipped classes. He was never late.

Hux was almost constantly, continuously, mind-numbingly bored.

With a sigh, he heaved the enormous book off his lap and shut down his computer. This was the price to be paid for being the best. It was the sacrifice demanded of one of the Hux lineage. Hard work, perseverance, no time for aimless pursuits. Work, work, and more work until you succeeded… or dropped dead from the effort.

He curled up on his side, pulling the blankets around him. It was cold in the room, but he fought the temptation to do anything about it other than mentally shut it out. That is what made him strong. He didn’t need to give into weaknesses like other people. He was a cut above.

Shivering under the thin blankets, Hux eventually dropped off into a restless sleep.

***

The sound of a pen marking paper could be heard in Kylo’s room. He was sketching on a very worn-out notebook, yellow pages scratching his right hand while he moved. He could hear Phasma playing some stupid video game late into the night. His room was warm, band posters hung on the white walls and his clock had stopped working a month ago at 3:46 p.m.

He stretched his back, arms going up and touching the wall behind him. The dark circles under his eyes had begun to be part of his personality, and he stared lazily at his sketches. Character designs and creatures were drawn on the paper. He had intended to finish this concept art almost a week ago and yet… Kylo wished he had better time management skills.

He reached for the glass of gin that was on his nightstand. Not exactly what a student should be doing on a weekday, but Kylo was too tired to have better judgement about it.  Alcohol’s always welcome when there’s no peace in this apartment.

He sighed, defeated by sleep. The brunet scratched his left eye when he put down his book and thought about finishing those drawings before class started the next day. Which he’ll probably arrive late to once again.

He lay down on a soft pillow but there were no blankets to be seen. Kylo closed his hazel eyes, waiting for another wave of nightmares to hit him and for the sun to rise.

***

Hux woke up to the soft beeping of the alarm. He resisted the sudden urge he had to hit the snooze button and roll over, back into the dream he had just been having. The images were already slipping into a vague haze of memory. Instead, he forced his legs to swing from under the blanket and make contact with the cold floor.

He walked swiftly into the bathroom, blocking out his momentary weakness. He never slept in. He never even hit snooze on his alarm, not once in the six years he had been working toward his master’s degree, double majoring in business and psychology. Now he was nearly done. There was no way he would start slacking off so close to the finish line.

He pulled his white t-shirt off over his head and slipped out of his cotton sleeping pants, folding both carefully and setting them on the linoleum counter beside the sink. He let his briefs drop over his feet and then put them in the dirty clothes hamper.

The warm shower felt especially good this morning, and he was tempted to luxuriate in the steaming water as it flowed over his pale, freckled skin. As soon as the thought arose, he banished it as self-indulgent. He even turned the temperature down in order to remove the temptation. Then he quickly shampooed and conditioned his shoulder-length red hair in the lukewarm water.

It was going to be a long day. Thursdays were always long days. Hux told himself that it was ridiculous to hate a specific day of the week. His schedule was as perfectly ordered and rationale as he could possibly make it. Yet, if Hux were to give in and admit the truth to himself, he loathed Thursdays with all his being.

He wouldn’t get back home until nearly ten in the evening, and then he still faced several hours of essay writing. He also had an appointment scheduled today to go over his investment portfolio with his agent. His father may not have given him affection, but at least he had given him stocks, and at this point in his life, Bren considered that the better deal.

He went through the normal routine, dried his hair, pulled it neatly back and secured it with a few loops of an elastic band, capturing the ends of his hair in the last twist. He shaved his pale, sharp-featured face, watching carefully with his sap-green eyes to make sure he didn’t cut himself as he worked the blade over his chin. He slicked expensive moisturizer over his smooth skin, working it in carefully around the corners of his eyes.

Breakfast was a healthy blend of oatmeal, nuts and fruit. No sweetener. Then he brushed his teeth, packed and organized his messenger bag, pulled on his navy pea coat and walked out the door, locking it behind him and double checking to make sure that it was secure.

Hux headed for the coffee shop on the corner - the one he had been visiting every morning for more than a month - ever since he had moved into his new apartment. The move had been necessary after a disastrous fire in his old apartment complex on the corner of Star Avenue and Kyller Street. While his apartment had not been caught in the blaze directly, the smoke damage had been extensive, and he was obliged to vacate the premises while a crew cleaned the soot from the ceiling and walls.

Instead of waiting for the cleanup to be completed, Hux had decided to move, uprooting from the small one bedroom that had been his for nearly four years. The new apartment was closer to the university and his current internship with First Order Inc, so he was satisfied with the change.

In addition, the cafe on the corner offered much better coffee than anyplace near his old apartment, and he breathed in the aroma of espresso and coffee beans as he walked in the door. He handed the barista his own stainless steel mug to be filled with dark roast and requested coconut milk instead of cream. Hux paid and then wandered down to the end of the counter to wait for his drink.

The door opened, and he pretended not to notice as a wild figure in a black coat and boots stalked in. Instead, Hux busied himself studying the types of whole beans that were for sale in a nearby bin. Once the tall figure had gone up to the counter to order, Hux let his eyes flick over to him.  

“I need a mocha with two extra shots of espresso, caramel, and whipped cream,” the man in the black coat said, speaking in a pleasingly low voice. Hux lifted one pale eyebrow at the request. Yesterday the order had been a french vanilla cappuccino, and on Tuesday it had been an iced coffee with chocolate and cream. Monday he hadn’t seen him at all, so he had no idea what concoction had started his week.

Hux rolled his eyes at the frivolity of the young man’s requests, as he himself only ever ordered a black coffee with coconut or soy milk. _This guy must spend a fortune on fancy coffee_ , he thought, as his own mug was handed to him. He took his time snapping the lid into place, taking one last look at the man who was now paying for his froo-froo drink.

The guy was probably a year or two younger than himself. Hux knew that he was a college student, as they often ended up on the same city bus together, heading for the university. Though Hux got off before the other guy did, and so he wasn’t sure of the kid’s final destination.

Sometimes, in addition to his oversized backpack, the guy in the black coat lugged along a large portfolio or an instrument case. Hux assumed he was an art major of some sort, wasting his life being “creative.”

He was tall. His shoulders were broad, his waist was slim. He had a way of walking that made him look like he was stalking an enemy everywhere he went. His hair was almost as long as Hux’s, but that’s where the similarity ended. Where Hux’s hair was straight and bright copper, the other man’s was as dark as midnight and fell around his face in heavy waves.

Hux sighed inwardly as he turned away, not sure why he had lingered so long just to look at a man he saw almost every morning. He lived right next door to him as it was, not that he saw him in the building much. He ran into him more often at the coffee shop than in the hallway of their shared apartment complex.

If Hux had started coming in ten minutes later than he normally would have, just because that meant he saw the tall dark-haired man almost every day, he did not acknowledge it to himself.

***

Ren woke up startled by a thud. He had fallen gracelessly on the floor when his cellphone’s alarm rang.

He scratched the back of his head soothing the pain away and moved to get to the bathroom. A pile of crumpled papers lay on his floor. His room was always a mess, no matter how many times Phasma wanted to help out of desperation. Whenever she decided it was _that_ kind of cleaning day, he knew they were at red code.

All in all, Kylo’s small space was basically a reflection of his mind. Always moving, creative and in chaos. Paintings in the corners and several pencils gave color to the white room.

The shower managed to wake him up for good because it was goddamn _freezing_. Phasma had used all the warm water once again. He sighed and then dressed in his usual color palette: a black shirt under his worn-out coat he so much cared about, and recently washed dark pants. Everything else was accompanied by heavy boots and a blue scarf around his neck.

Phasma was nowhere to be seen, meaning Kylo was definitely going to be late, since she already had left.

He entered the kitchen looking for something to eat, and _fast._ There was a yellow note stuck to the fridge door with Phasma’s handwriting.

_Breakfast is here! - P_

So he opened the fridge, finally glad to see his friend helping him in the right way. However, what Kylo’s eyes fell upon was… nothing. Their fridge had nothing edible. Not even eggs, for fuck’s sakes!

There was another note inside, so he picked it up to read it better. Once he did that, his eyes rolled really hard in a sign of frustration.

_JK, u go figure it out. I told u to go to the grocery store twice this week.  - P_

And on the back…

_U r a lil shit  - P_

The brunet ran to grab his sketch books and portfolio before leaving, choosing to pass by the cafe close to their apartment. He placed a pair of earbuds in his ears, which he carefully covered afterwards with his damp hair.

He opened the glass door that belonged to the coffee shop and the bell above him rang clearly. A lot of students could be found there sipping their hot drinks. Kylo went to the queue, mind going crazy about his concept-art presentation today. He just had to stay calm. That word, unfortunately, was not very present in his vocabulary. Maybe he shouldn’t have quit therapy so he would have better control over his emotions, but the sessions made him too drained.   

“I need a mocha with two extra shots of espresso, caramel, and whipped cream.” He said when it was his turn to order, and he blamed his cousin for his sweet tooth and Phasma for depriving him of such things.

He pretended not to notice a small ginger man close to him rolling his eyes. He held in a smirk, knowing full well this guy always had boring requests. He was wearing a navy coat that day, and despite not seeing the shorter man often, he looked like a business type of guy.

Not exactly a life Kylo saw for himself.

The brunet started fidgeting a bit under the man’s gaze, and once he turned away to leave the cafe, he sighed. The ginger had a very thin body and paper skin that reminded Kylo of his books. He looked somehow mysterious. If someone looked at him closely, they’d notice a soft touch of red in his eyes and nose due lack of proper sleep.

Kylo can sympathize with that.

He finally received his order and he hummed in delight when the drink reached his tongue. That was the boost he needed. He didn’t forget to text Phasma before going to his class that he’d figure something out for tonight, which the latter kindly and very much affectionately responded to with an angry emoticon.

He went to his class with an orange blur in his mind.

***

Hux didn’t get home until almost eleven o’clock. Exhausted, he made himself a mug of tea, and went to sit on his bed with his laptop.

He had found himself spending more and more of his time perched in bed, leaning against the plaster wall, rather than sitting at his desk. Odd. In his old apartment, he usually sat on the couch if he felt like being more comfortable. But here, for some reason, he gravitated more and more to sitting in his room.

Scrolling through the documents he would need for the following day, Hux almost subconsciously reached back with his left hand and rested his fingertips against the wall. He sighed in sudden contentment, feeling his body relax, his spine melting against the plaster behind him.

After about an hour of reading and taking notes, Bren finally closed the computer and set it carefully to the side. He shut off his light, and slid down into the sheets. He rolled onto his side and struggled to get comfortable. His mind began to drift. His fingers wandered back to the wall, fingers pressed gently to the white paint.

The dreams took him then, strong and dark. He hadn’t dreamed like this in a long time. The images were vibrant. They felt real, as though they were memories rather than dreams. Hux frowned in his sleep. He struggled against the grip of sensation bombarding him. He didn’t rest peacefully that night.   

The next morning, Bren didn’t see his neighbor at the cafe. The other usuals were there, ordering their normal drinks. Hux was distracted when he reached the front of the line. The guy who almost always took his order stood there, Finn, a friendly smile on his dark, handsome face. He reached out for the stainless steel mug, and began typing the order into the register before Hux even asked for his coffee. Out of habit, he gave his order anyway.

“I’ll take a mocha with two extra shots of espresso, caramel and whipped cream,” Hux said in a bored voice, as though he ordered that every single day. Both Finn and Bren froze. They stared at each other. It wasn’t clear who was more shocked. The barista or Hux.

“Really, man? I mean of course but… are you sure?” Finn asked, just to make sure he wasn’t losing his mind.

“Um, yeah. Just make it with soy milk, okay?” Hux felt like he was going nuts. He had never ordered anything that rich or expensive. Especially not this early in the morning. It was going to taste like dessert. But in order to save face, he decided to go through with it. This was only for one day, after all.

Hux sipped his extravagant coffee as he waited for the bus. He shifted the strap of his bag and glanced out of the corner of his eye as his tall neighbor stalked up to the bus stop. Apparently, he would be sharing the ride with him this morning.

Hux was annoyed at the little jolt that thought gave him. He continued to be irritated the whole bus ride, every time he glanced up and saw that profile, the dark hair brushing over the tall kid’s face. Looking thick and so soft…

No. This was ridiculous. He didn’t like artistic types. Their heads were always in the clouds and they weren’t dependable. Hux glanced at him again. He was so tall and he had a spattering of beauty marks on his face and running down his long slender neck…

No. Absolutely not. Hux finished his coffee, surprised at how good it was. _Well, enjoy it,_ he told himself _. This is the first and last one you are ever getting_.

***

Kylo sighed when he finally closed the door to his apartment at the end of the day. He was carrying some plastic bags and he dropped his sketch books onto the couch. It was dark brown and old. His eyes were heavy, tired from another day. His presentation, however, had gone alright. Now that it was finished, he could try to relax.  

He took off his coat and his boots before placing the plastic bags on a small kitchen counter. He could hear static coming from the room opposite to his, meaning Phasma was watching tv.

“I’m home.” He decided to announce. “You’re having take-out.”

“Argh, finally!’’ She came with heavy steps to the kitchen, wearing her old soccer shirt from high school. It said Captain Phasma 01 on the back. “What is it?’’

“Chinese food. Help yourself.’’

He watched her attack the take-out, and not feeling particularly hungry, he went to his room. He pretended to not hear her comment on how he should take care of himself better. All he wanted to do was just lie down and listen to some music.

His dark hair fell onto the pillow, curls kissing the mattress. The headphones had stickers on each side. An atrocity, according to his friend.

He closed his eyes, not yet sleeping. Just feeling the sound of the beats that didn’t sync with his own heart. His fingers moved to the rhythm and there were a couple of band-aids on them due the guitar strings. The instrument was resting somewhere in the room.

Without thinking twice, his fingers traced the wall. A buzzing sensation tingled through his skin that did not belong to any music, but he felt calm nonetheless. Sleep knocked in his mind, a cold warning, and he frowned knowing full well nightmares would come again. He didn’t know why exactly he kept having them, not even his therapists could help him with that. It just happens.

Dark waves and blurry faces are the only things he could remember when his eyes open in the morning. He groaned, feeling a headache right away. His muscles stiff from sleeping in bad positions. Kylo pushed his hair out of the way of his forehead as he checked his phone, squinting his eyes at the artificial light.

He forgot to turn his alarm on last night, and there are texts from Phasma, asking where he was. Others are just some stupid cat memes. He rolled his eyes, frustrated with himself, and ran to get ready for the university.

The bell from the cafe rang while he went in with long strides. There weren’t many people there at that hour, since it was late and everyone was probably heading to their classes. So he went straight to the counter, mouth open ready to say his request, but Finn interrupted him first.

“Hey, mate. I didn’t know you had any friends beside Phasma. Who’s the ginger?”

Kylo blinked several times, not expecting that at all. He stumbled on his words and his headache screamed. “Good morning to you too, asshole. What are you talking about?”

“C’mon, don’t play games. That guy! Ginger, serious, kinda cute? He ordered your drink from yesterday.” He said the last sentence with a weird face. “That was freaky.”

“H-He’s not my friend.”

“Boyfriend, then?”

“No! Listen, just…’’ He stopped in his tracks, wondering why that man would order such a thing. Does this mean he was paying attention to his requests all the time? Kylo always had a little picture in his mind that he was a man of patterns. Never leaving his routine, always with the boring dark coffee and coconut milk. What made him change his mind today?

“I need a dark roast with coconut milk instead of cream…” He mumbled, putting his hands on the counter. He ignored the way Finn’s eyebrows went up.

“I don’t understand you guys and I don’t even wanna know...”

Kylo left to go to the bus stop once he got his drink. He took some sips on the way and hummed. It was… good. But still, it remained bitter to his taste. The coffee kissed his throat, making it pleasantly warm.

He saw the ginger man waiting at the bus stop, fixing his bag and sipping a drink from his hand. Kylo’s cheeks got hot in embarrassment, because all he could think was Finn asking about them. He was… cute. He cannot deny that, Finn was right. He just looked so _thin,_ it made Kylo want to carry him to the next diner and take care of him somehow. The way the morning light hit the man’s eyes made Kylo grip his drink harder. It was breathtaking.

Once they got on the bus, the brunet spent almost the entire ride fidgeting and creating the courage to talk to him. He kept seeing the little man drinking the sweet coffee, and Kylo asked himself if he liked it. The sketchbook he remembered to bring today was a little crumpled because of his hand pressing on it.

He huffed, realizing how stupid this was. They’re neighbors, there’s nothing wrong with talking to your neighbor! Besides, Phasma would think he had made some progress by initiating social contact and maybe she would get off his case.

Kylo cleared his throat when he got to the porcelain man. There were freckles marking his face and a single strand of hair had fallen above his left eye.

“Did you enjoy it?” He watched the man stare at him for several seconds, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “The coffee… I mean. Did you enjoy it? My _colleague_ told me you asked for one of my orders so… Did you?"

The other student seemed to notice his mouth was ajar, so he closed it and cleared his throat. Kylo snorted softly at that, finding it endearing. He was not the only one who was nervous, apparently.

***  

When his lanky neighbor approached him before his stop and leaned in to ask him a question, Bren’s mouth went dry. He had never seen him this close before. His eyes weren’t plain brown like he had thought. They were hazel, flecks of emerald green and gold reflecting in their depths. His raven hair brushed against his cheekbones with the motion of the bus. Hux was hypnotized.

He had just asked him a question. What had he said? His drink? _Oh god, he knew about that_. Hux instantly hated Finn the barista with all his soul.

“Um,” Bren started. _Great, real suave, you ginger moron_ , he said to himself. “Sure, yeah. It was okay. Really, um, sweet though. I don’t usually drink sugary stuff, so…” He trailed off, feeling like a complete idiot. The tall guy just stared down at him, a slight smile on his face.

“Yeah, I noticed,” the guy said gesturing with the paper cup he held in one large hand. “I guess I sorta ended up with your drink.” He wrinkled his long nose a bit, and gave a funny half chuckle before continuing. “It’s a little bitter, but the coconut milk sweetens it, sort of. I don’t think I’d get it for myself all the time or anything.”

What was happening? Hux felt slightly dizzy being so close to him. Was the bus overheating? Why didn’t someone open a window? He didn’t even know this kid’s name.

“Um, I’ve seen you around,” the tall guy said. “We’re neighbors, right?” Hux just nodded. “My name’s Kylo,” the kid said, like he had read Hux’s mind.

“Bren Hux,” he replied. Their hands were occupied, so they didn’t shake, but they both smiled. “Don’t you live in the apartment next to mine?”

“I think so.”

“Is your roommate an extremely intimidating blonde?”

“That would be the one,” Kylo agreed.

“Your girlfriend?” Hux mentally kicked himself. It was out before he could stop himself from asking. He was really bringing the charm today, wasn’t he? Kylo was looking at him funny.

“No,” he replied. “We’ve known each other forever. She’s like a really annoying, very strong, big sister.”

Hux hoped he didn’t notice his small sigh of relief. Bren reminded himself that 1. Kylo might still have a boyfriend or girlfriend that he just hadn’t mentioned yet in their two minute conversation, 2. Bren wasn’t in the slightest bit interested in this guy in any way, at all, he really wasn’t, and 3. this was his stop and if he didn’t get off _right now_ he was going to miss it.

“Great meeting you, um, Kylo. See you around.” Hux swung out of his seat and tried really hard not to trip or drop anything. What was it about this kid that turned him into a graceless buffoon?

“Oh, uh, yeah. I suppose so… see ya,” Bren heard Kylo say before he got to the bus doors and practically fell out. Why was his heart beating so fast? He was _not_ interested, dammit.

Hux was a little dazed when he first got to school. He blamed the sugar high from that insane drink. He realized that he had just imbibed four shots of espresso in about twenty minutes. His hands trembled on the keyboard, and he made more typos that morning than he had all week.

Since it was Friday, a bunch of his classmates were going out drinking in the evening. Hux normally had no interest in hanging out with them, finding their attitude toward life much too easy going. They asked him anyway as he was gathering up his stuff, and for the first time in months, he seriously considered it.

Afterall, he was just going home to his empty apartment to read articles for class. When he agreed to go for one drink, he told himself that there was no chance that he might see Kylo out at some bar. Just because Kylo was probably popular and likely had a lot of friends to hang out with, didn’t mean he knew these kids or frequent their bars. Still… just maybe…

An hour later, Hux rolled his eyes at himself. He had been at the club long enough to be hit on by two girls and one man wearing leather pants, and he was more than ready to go home. He said goodbye to his classmates and slipped out into the cool night air, breathing a sigh of relief.

He was such an idiot. The guy lived right next door to him, yet Hux was wandering around the neighborhood looking for him. Pathetic. Besides, he didn’t _like_ artsy guys. None of this was practical. Hux stalked home, kicking rocks out of his way as he went.

When he was finally locked safely inside his apartment, Bren got ready for bed and sank gratefully onto the mattress, leaning back against the wall. He instantly felt calmer. Reflecting back on the events of the day, he really didn’t feel all that awkward. Sure, he could have been a lot more smooth when Kylo had introduced himself, but, hell, it’s not like Hux had spilled his coffee on him or anything. Actually, Bren thought, leaning his head back against the plaster, it went rather well.

He smiled remembering the way Kylo’s hair drifted over his face, and the way the full mouth quirked up in a lopsided smirk. There were smooth moles on his perfect skin. And the eyes, the bottomless eyes…

Hux was nodding off sitting up. He slid down and stretched out his slim form. He fell asleep with a hand spread full out against the wall, as if trying to grasp someone else's fingers through the plaster.

***

“I need a beer,” Kylo immediately said when he arrived at the tiny apartment. Phasma was wearing pink socks, simple shorts and a white tank top while lying on the couch. Her blonde hair showed up behind the pillows and her eyebrows went up. She moved to go to the kitchen and grab them the drinks. There was stuff to eat and drink now, because _she_ remembered to get the groceries.

“Tell me everything.”

He fell onto the couch with his heavy weight and opened the beer. Phasma returned to her position, now with her legs on top of his thigh. She was the only one who could get that close to him. She had gained his trust.

Kylo Ren gulped the alcohol, hoping to feel a soft buzz really soon in his mind, and his arms to feel heavy. He tried to start talking but only managed to make weird movements with his hands, like it was going to explain everything.

“For god’s sake, spill it!”

“I talked to someone today!” He practically burped the sentence in the air. Her eyes shone and she dramatically put a hand on her chest.

“Oh… you’ve grown so much!” She smiled when he glared at her. Despite the mockery, he knew she meant well. “Who’s the lucky man? Is he cute?”

“Uh, yes. I mean, no! What? Why does everyone keep asking this? And why would you assume it’s a _guy_?”

“Because I _am_ great. Now, please, continue.”

Kylo sighed. “He’s our neighbor. I see him every day but I’ve never talked to him. It’s just that, for _some_ reason, he bought one of my drinks at that cafe today. So I did the same with his… then I said hi. Well, no… I didn’t… Fuck.’’

He drank again and asked for another. His palms were sweating a little and he cursed his heart for beating fast just for telling her this.

“Okay, it’s fine. Was it okay, though? Did you feel well?”

Kylo distracted himself with a piece of thread that came out of his pants. He kept poking at it before answering with a faint smile. “I did. It was fast but… yeah.”

Phasma watched him, a small silence fell in the living room. Not uncomfortable but Kylo knew she was analyzing him, keeping him in check, so that made his eyebrow twitch.

She took a sip from her beer and hummed. “I’m glad.’’

“What?” Kylo looked at her. It was not easy to hear something like that coming from her, not about outside people. She was very difficult to conquer.

“I say go for it. Just make sure to tell me if this guy hurts you. I could make some phone calls.”

“No one is killing anyone.” He rolled his eyes. Maybe he’s the only person on this Earth that gets her humor.

They spent the rest of the night just like that. Smalltalk and beer set on their coffee table. He was glad that his heart decided to give him some peace, and when the buzzing sensation hit him, he rested his head on the back of the couch. It was not the same kind of feeling he had the other day. But welcome, nonetheless.

A goodnight was said once sleep reached both of them and the alcohol’s effect went south. Kylo heard another door down the hallway being closed, so he, for the first time, assumed it was Hux.

Bren Hux.

What was he doing so late on this particular night? Kylo knew it was a Friday and _yes_ , people do go out. However, Hux didn’t seem the type of guy who would do such things. But then again, he had been wrong about the coffee before. The ginger broke his routine by ordering a different kind of drink. _His_ drink. So what did he know?

He turned to face his wall. There were abstract paintings scattered over the smooth surface. Pink lips, green eyes and sharp cheekbones filled his mind. He wondered if he could count all Hux’s freckles, so he traced the paintings imagining how it would feel.

He hadn’t felt this in a long time. He hadn’t had such thoughts whispering in his head in a very long time indeed, and perhaps he’ll follow Phasma’s words.

_Go for it._

He fell asleep with his hands hovering over the wall.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lemons. Shhhhh. Trust us.

The dreams weren’t quite as violent that night. They were a far cry from the simple dreams Hux was used to from before the fire, when he had remembered his dreams at all, which wasn’t very often. He woke up with his forehead pressed awkwardly against the wall. His neck hurt.  After he had rolled out of bed, the room didn’t feel as comforting as it had just a moment before.

It was Saturday. Like most weekends, Hux didn’t have any social plans. He simply intended to do schoolwork and get ahead in his reading.

He allowed himself to toy with the idea of taking a novel to the cafe on the corner. It would be nice to sit there and people-watch without having to talk to anyone. He remembered that there was a large window facing the busy street with a long counter and stools. He could perch there and finish the sci-fi book he’d started earlier this year and had never found time to finish.

Hux pushed away the thought that it was self indulgent. It may have been, just a bit, but he had earned it, hadn’t he? An hour to himself and his own thoughts? He tried not to hear his father’s voice in his head telling him he would never amount to anything if he didn’t work hard for it. _No natural talent for anything. You’ll have to work twice as much as everyone else to get ahead._

Bren glanced at the book he had pulled off the shelf, _A Brave New World_ , and almost set it back. He gazed at the blank wall for a moment, undecided. Then, slowly, his fingers tightened around the spine of the novel and he took it with him as he left the bedroom.

He took a shower and dried his hair, taking extra pains with it. He didn’t wear his hair down very often. It made him feel shy for some reason, like he thought people would assume he was showing off. He looked at the result in the mirror. With his stubble coming in, he wouldn’t be mistaken for a girl, at least.

At the door, he pulled on his navy coat and wound a scarf around his neck. He grabbed the paperback, his keys and wallet. He glanced around the apartment like he was forgetting something. He almost never left without his messenger bag and he felt weirdly naked without it. He shook his head at himself, the soft curtain of smooth hair shifting around his face.

The coffee shop was crowded, but Bren was able to find an open seat by the window that was perfect for reading and staring at the passing crowd. He had just gotten immersed in the chapter when he sensed something outside the window. His heart rate picked up before he even looked up to see what it was.

Kylo was walking past. Hux thought he saw him looking away just as he raised his head, but he couldn’t be sure. The door chimed and Kylo walked in, all six feet three inches of him. Hux swallowed.

The person on his right had just gotten up, and Hux surreptitiously looped his foot under the empty stool rung and slipped it closer. He slid his upper body over the counter a bit more, so that the people in front of Kylo in line didn’t realize there was an empty seat next to him. When Kylo picked up his drink from the bar, Hux leaned away again, pretending to be absorbed in his book. Though in reality, he had just been staring at the page blankly since noticing the other man.

His neighbor walked up to him. Hux didn’t turn around. All his senses were trained on Kylo and he knew he was getting closer.  He was so near Bren imagined that he could hear his breathing.

“Hey,” came a low voice. Bren resisted the urge to shudder.

“Oh, hey,” Hux said, turning slightly towards him as though noticing him for the first time.

“Mind if I sit here?”

“No, go ahead.” Hux tried not to stare as Kylo settled his long frame onto the wooden stool. Their elbows nearly touched. “Let me guess, straight espresso,” Hux said, smiling with his eyes if not his lips.

“Hmmm,” Kylo returned. “Maybe tomorrow. I missed my sugar fix after yesterday’s drink disaster.” Both of them smiled, and Bren thought that he was probably grinning a little foolishly at the other man.

“So, you come here on the weekends too?” Hux asked, genuinely curious.

Inside he was screaming at himself. _You jackass, you already see him almost every morning. You live next to him. Now you want to stalk him on the weekends too?_ Hux tried to get a grip. He didn’t like artist types anyhow.

Bren’s eyes drifted down to Kylo’s chest as he opened his coat in the warm shop. “The ‘Earth’ without ‘art’ is just ‘eh,’” was written on his t-shirt. _See?_ Bren asked himself internally. _Creative types are weird_. He dragged his eyes away from his chest with difficulty when Kylo replied to his question.

“Sometimes,” Kylo answered, pausing a bit before he said it.

***

Kylo kept gazing at Hux’s hair every now and then. He had never seen him with his hair down and it looked incredibly soft. He held his drink with two hands to stop himself from touching the copper strands. Hux was like a doll and his fingers itched to sketch him.

“So, uh…” Kylo looked at him. “What exactly do you do?”

“I study business and psychology. I’m getting my master’s degree in the spring.” He ran his hand over his book like there was dust on the cover. “I assume you’re an artist?”

Okay, so Kylo _was_ right about him being a business guy at least. “Yeah, I am. I wonder what might have given it away.” He smiled and pointed at his shirt and sketchbook. “I study art and I also really like music, but that’s just to pass the time… I don’t really see myself in your area. You must really like that, huh?”

“I only do what is necessary.”

Kylo hummed. “Sometimes what you need is not what you want, though.”

Hux stared at him for a while, drink forgotten. Kylo could almost see his thoughts working, trying to form a sentence. He softly snorted, something he apparently did a lot in Hux’s presence. “I suppose so.”

Again, the brunet fought the urge to draw the ginger man. The way his long eyelashes hit his freckles and the slightly red color under his eyes were oddly endearing. When did he start thinking about this anyway? _Get a grip._

From the corner of his eye, he could see Finn trying to get his attention. When he looked at him, Finn wiggled his eyebrows up and down and gave a thumbs-up. Since Hux wasn’t looking at that moment, Kylo mouthed a silent _Fuck you_ to Finn. The boy just snorted and went back to work.

Kylo cleared his throat, getting back to the guy sitting next to him. “Uh, listen… If you ever need anything, I don’t know, I live next door. You… You’re welcome to come by. You live alone, right?”

Hux leaned more on the counter. His hair fell from behind his ear, so Kylo couldn’t see his expression. “I live alone, yes. Uh, thank you.”

“Great.” Kylo thought something might have happened to him because it’s been years since he had talked this much with someone beside Phasma. It’s like he’s daring his own mind. “Is it okay if we exchange phone numbers? You could text me if you need me. Or not. I don’t know.”

Hux huffed and a small smile formed on his face. “You seem to not know a lot of things.” He picked up a napkin and wrote something down with a pen he was using as a bookmark. His long pale fingers danced softly over the napkin and then he gave it to Kylo. “There.”

Their fingers didn’t touch and Kylo saw it was his phone number. Okay, this was it. He got Hux’s phone number. He really did. His heart started beating fast. “Thanks, I’ll text you mine. Uh, I have to go now. There’s something I need to get done, so…’’

“Oh, okay. It was nice seeing you again.”

“Yeah, it was. Uh, bye Hux!”          

He left the cafe, trying to ignore his shaking legs. _What the hell_. He took deep breaths and went in the direction of his apartment, trying to hold Hux in his mind because there was a pencil waiting for him on his desk.

He spent the rest of the day sketching him, trying to get his eyes right. There were also other characters and backgrounds for video game set-ups he was working on. He was not kidding when he said he had something to finish. Those things took time and he wanted to do them right. Kylo might be a mess and always be late, forget things and have a short temper, but _this_ really made him feel at peace. This was him.

Phasma called a few of her friends to come over and have a drink, so the brunet locked himself in his room in a poor attempt to block out the sound. He’d much rather choose the solitude of his guitar, lazily playing it, than a loud and obnoxious gathering.

He had been trying to push away the thought of texting Hux. He knew he had to do it at one point, but that didn’t stop the anxiety over reaching out. He was resting his back to the wall when he finally gave in and got his cellphone, napkin in hands. He stared at the screen for what felt like ages, typing and erasing everything.  

_hey, its me. kylo, “the artist guy.” hope u r ok._

He might be a little awkward around the other, but there’s something in him that makes it feel right. So with that thought in mind, he finally pressed the _send_ button and waited.

***

Hux tried to finish the chapter he was reading once Kylo left, but he couldn’t concentrate on the words. He kept thinking about the man that had just been sitting so close to him. He couldn’t have been there for more than a few minutes. Yet the emptiness of the spot he had just occupied was tangible. Like a ghost was sitting there, suffocating Hux with his own awkward loneliness.

He needed to be busy. His mind obviously wasn’t interested in doing any reading, but he could at least run some errands. He had been meaning to get a new tie for when he had to start his job search. He might as well head to the mall. It would kill a few hours anyway.

Hux slid out of his seat and headed for the door. Finn was staring at him, but when he looked, the barista avoided his eyes, glancing down quickly at the drink he was making. Bren could still make out the sly grin spreading over Finn’s face.

Several hours later, Hux had two new ties and had stopped at the store to get some more oatmeal and fruit for the next week. He also picked up some lettuce and other things for salad. He was feeling a little guilty about the whipped cream from yesterday. He normally didn’t have dairy. It had been so good though…

When he finally got to his floor, he jostled the bags in his arms to unlock his apartment. Just then, the blonde Amazon who lived with Kylo flung open the door and looked out into the hallway. Kylo heard voices from down the hall and realized that she must be waiting for friends. Her head swung around and she saw him standing there, balancing his groceries and shopping in his hands.

Her bright eyes went wide for a moment as she took him in, and then she narrowed them and gave him a piercing look. She made a small ‘hmmmm’ noise, and then her friends were coming down the hall, making a ton of noise and calling out to her. She turned away to greet them and Hux escaped inside his apartment.

Bren busied himself putting away the groceries while listening to the explosively loud party through the wall. He couldn’t make out many words over the music and the video game explosions, but he could hear the shrill sounds of uproarious laughter.

He glanced around his empty apartment. He told himself that he was fine with solitude. That he didn’t need to have a loud party with a bunch of friends in order to have a decent weekend. He was alright with this life. He had chosen this life.

Kylo must have been having a lot of fun over there if the volume was anything to go by. Hux tried to catch his voice among the wild shouts and name-calling that was going on next door, but he couldn’t make out his distinctive rumble among the other noises. Sighing, he made himself a cup of tea and then climbed into bed, though it wasn’t even late yet. He sat, leaning against the wall, trying to decide if he should open his laptop or not.

Hux felt a small flutter of anxiety in his stomach as his spine pressed into the wall behind him. He was lonely all of sudden. Just for a second, he considered knocking on Kylo’s door with some excuse. Maybe he would get invited in and… _No_ , _that was stupid_. He didn’t know any of those people. Plus, the way the blonde woman had sized him up in the hall made him feel tiny and a bit afraid.

He sighed and rested his head against the wall, thinking of hazel eyes. A long pale throat…

His phone buzzed. Hux dug it out and looked at the illuminated screen. It was a text from an unknown number. For just a moment, his heart stopped beating. Then he opened the message.

_hey, its me. kylo, “the artist guy.” hope u r ok._

He stared at the words. A smile fought to form itself on his lips. He saved him in his contacts, trying to decide whether to call him _Kylo_ or _the artist guy_ , but finally deciding that _Kylo_ was the appropriate choice.

_I am well, thank you. It sounds like you are having quite the party._

He sent the text and waited, strangely nervous. He started to bite at his cuticle but mentally yelled at himself to stop. That was not a habit he needed to revisit. The phone buzzed again.

_phasma is 4 sure_

_Is Phasma your roommate? I saw her in the hall earlier. She looked like she was either about to start a conversation or punch me in the face. I couldn’t tell._

_that sounds about rite. told you she is scary_

_You were not lying. So, you're not into loud parties?_

Hux sent the text, and was surprised at himself. Here he was, sitting in bed and texting a guy he hardly knew, who lived right next door. And this was one of the longest conversations he’d had with anyone all week. Was he really that cut off from the outside world? _You chose this life_ , he reminded himself. Hux sighed. He looked down excitedly when the phone buzzed.

_not at all. worst nightmare tbh. listenin to music but can still hear ‘em. ugh. srry they r so loud_

Before Hux stopped to think about it, he had typed: _You can come over if you would like. It’s much quieter here._ Hux immediately erased it, horrified that he had almost invited that beautif-, that _crazy_ artist over to his apartment.

Bren held his phone for a long time, trying to decide what to do. He typed a few other texts, none of which seemed right. He set the phone down without replying and took his empty tea mug into the kitchen. As he washed it and set the cup in the drying rack, Bren started feeling dizzy. He had felt a slight headache coming on all day, and it was getting suddenly worse. He opened up one of his cabinet drawers and fished out some painkillers. He swallowed them, sipping from a glass of water to wash them down, and then headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed.  

The face looking back at him out of the mirror was paler than usual, except for two spots of color high on his cheekbones. Bren considered taking a shower or even a bath, but his skin felt sensitive and he was suddenly so tired, all he could manage was to brush his teeth and crawl into bed.

He fell asleep, not touching the wall, pulled quickly down into a fever dream. He thought he heard someone calling his name in his nightmares, but he couldn’t be sure whose voice it was.

***

The brunet had fallen asleep with his phone resting on his belly, shirt curled up from moving in his sleep. He rubbed his eyes, glad to not hear any kind of noise in the morning. Phasma must still be sleeping, so he took advantage of that by showering in the hot water of their apartment before she ruined it for him.  

He chose to wear a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that said “I need more space.” He tied up his dark hair in a loose bun on his way to the kitchen where he found a lot of empty bottles. Some take-out containers were still on the coffee table. He opened the fridge and found a piece of cake. Ah yes, exactly what he needed on a Sunday morning.

Before he started to eat, he grabbed some painkillers from their bathroom and filled a glass of water. He set them on the counter when he sat as well.

It didn’t take long for him to hear a groan.

“I have the BIGGEST hangover ever.” Phasma came out of her room, hair everywhere.

Kylo just pointed at the painkillers and water next to him and murmured a good morning.

“Ugh, thanks.” He watched her take the medicine and felt satisfied with that. She kept saying that he should take care of himself, but she also needed it. Sometimes she didn’t pay enough attention to herself.

“You know…” She leaned on the counter. “I saw that little hot nugget we have as neighbor last night.”  

Kylo choked on his cake. He coughed several times and Phasma just held a small smirk, doing nothing. He picked up her glass of water instead of waiting for her help.

“W-what the hell?” His voice was hoarse.

She put her hands up in a comic movement. “You heard me. He had just arrived when I opened the door. You didn’t tell me he was ginger. He’s very tiny and cute.”

“Phasma.”

“I mean!” She ignored him. “I’d love to meet him sometime, but I can definitely say you should hit that.”

“Phas! Gosh, what’s wrong with you?”

“I’m not the one blushing here, honey.”

Kylo fake-punched her shoulder and stared at the cake. The tips of his ears were burning. “Just… don’t scare him, alright?”

She sighed. “I can try. See? That’s how much I love you.”

“That should be common sense.”

She smiled and went to find herself something to eat, meaning the conversation was over. Kylo shook his head and tried to pull himself together. He wondered what Hux might be doing at a time like this. A part of him wished he was sleeping and just resting his body since he always seemed so tired. Kylo debated whether or not he should text him. He glanced at his cellphone’s clock. It was past 10 a.m.

So it _was_ late considering their usual school schedule. He opened Hux’s contact.

_‘sup? managed to choke on cake rite in the mornin, no need 4 context. how u doin?_

He put his phone on the counter, picking the rest of the cake and glass of water. He looked around and it straight-up made him tired. This place was a mess. Phasma would owe him.

He heard his phone buzz after a few minutes.

_You choked on cake? Do I even want to know? And as far as how I am doing, I think I have the flu._

_nope, u rlly dont. and a flu? wat? u seemed fine ystrdy, im srry :(_

_I felt fine until last night. Now I have a fever, headache, and I hurt all over. I’ve been taking painkillers and drinking water. Still in bed and miserable._

_shit, do u want me to do sth 4 u? is there anything i can do?_

_You don’t want to catch this, trust me. I’ll be alright in a few days, probably._

Kylo stared at the last message for a while, not sure of what to say without smashing the caps lock. He wanted to help him somehow. But the ginger clearly said he didn’t need it. He sighed, not wanting to seem too invasive but also not cold or rude. He chewed the inside of his cheeks, thinking.

In the end, he shrugged and thought _Why the hell not?_ So he called out to Phasma, saying he would be leaving for a few minutes. He picked up his blue scarf again, followed by his wallet, putting on his coat and boots before closing the door of his apartment quietly. He didn’t want Hux to know he was leaving.

He went down to the small farmer’s market that, luckily, happened to have fresh fruit every Sunday. It was close to the apartment so he went on foot, hands in his pockets. Once there, he ordered what he wanted and with a thank you to the owner, he went back to their place.

He once again didn’t announce his arrival to Hux. He took off his heavy clothes, put the plastic bags in the kitchen and knocked on Phasma’s door.

“Hey, Phas, do you know where we put that thermos?”

“Uh, why?” She took her headphones off, video game paused.

“Just answer the question. Please.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Mmm… second cupboard, third shelf.”

“Thanks, Phas.”

He proceed to take the things out of the bags and found the thermos. A few minutes passed while he worked. When he was finished, he felt satisfied with himself. Kylo left the apartment and quietly placed the thermos right in front of Hux’s door, not forgetting to add the small note that said _Drink me!_

When he got inside, he typed a message.

_u should check ur door_

Before he could see if there was a reply, Phasma’s voice called his attention. “Did you… did you just go to the market to buy lemons?”

Kylo turned to see her staring at the rest of the lemons. “Uh, Hux is sick.”

“And?”

“I made tea.”

“Oh, you’re gone. You… you’re way gone.” She shook her head and went back to her room just in time, because his cellphone rang.

_It appears that someone has given me a thermos of lemon tea._

_dat someone is me, sherlock_

_That was very thoughtful of you. Thank you. Drinking a cup now. It’s good._

_ur welcome! its homemade, im glad u like it. hope u feel better soon :)_

_You missed your calling as a barista. You would put Finn out of a job. Thanks again, I’m sure I will feel better eventually._

Kylo smiled at the screen.

***

Hux sat curled up in bed, completely swathed in a blanket because he was shivering from the chills of his fever. He sipped the lemon tea and smiled as he sent the last text. Kylo had added honey, but it seemed that he remembered Hux didn’t like things very sugary, and hadn’t added too much.

_maybe in another life! i like drawin and playin music 2 much haha_

Hux snorted at Kylo’s reply. He began wondering what Kylo’s drawing style was. He would be really interested in seeing some of his work… _Wait, no he wouldn’t_. What was he thinking? It must be this ridiculous fever messing with his brain. He didn’t like artists. How many times did he have to remind himself of that? This kid wouldn’t fit into his life in any practical way, no matter that he was sweet, and interesting, and beautif-

_I would love to see your work sometime. Maybe when I don’t have the plague._

He sent the text and didn’t realize that he was holding his breath while he waited for a reply.

_sure! but i gotta say tho, they r pretty messy… yes when u feel better, i’d love to :P_

Hux’s heart beat faster. It was the flu, he was sure, that caused the stutter. Did… did he just sort of ask Kylo over, and did he just sort of agree to it? Hux pushed his hair out of his face trying to concentrate. It tumbled immediately back into his eyes, so he tucked it behind his ears. Now what? Did he reply? Did he leave it? He stared at the ceiling for a second. The phone buzzed again.

_i’d ask 4 u to show me ur work 2 but tbh i wouldnt understand anything haah_

Hux wondered for a second what he would even have to show him that was interesting. Not much. Some of the psych stuff could be pretty unusual, but for the most part, it was just a bunch of essays and papers.

_I’m sure you would have no problem comprehending. Whether you would find it interesting is another story._

_u will make the whole thing interestin, im sure of it._

_I don’t know about that, but I am looking forward to seeing your artwork._

_me 2 :D_

Hux spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what was involved in looking at someone’s artwork. Would they meet at the coffee house and look through a carefully crafted portfolio? He somehow doubted it. So, should he invite Kylo over? Or should he go over to his place? Oh, god, what if the terrifying roommate was there?

Having a fever while at the same time having a small emotional crisis over looking at sketches with a guy he had just started flirti… _texting_ with was making Bren exhausted. He drank the rest of the tea slowly, just half staring out the window and half panicking, reading their texts over and over again.

Hux finally fell asleep in the afternoon. He woke up completely disoriented at two in the morning, still feeling feverish. Nearly delirious. He went into the bathroom, his entire body aching like he had been sleeping on rocks instead of in a soft bed. He was sweating and his shirt and hair stuck to him.

He ran the cold water in the sink and splashed his face to rinse some of the sweat away and help cool down his burning cheeks. For just a split second, when he raised his head and looked in the mirror, he saw his father looking back at him. Hux squeezed his eyes shut and looked again. He resembled his father, but he was not a perfect match for him. Still, with his own eyes red and feverish, his face haunted with pain, he could see the resemblance all too clearly.  

Hux gave a small shudder and turned away from the mirror. He had his father’s money, that was all that mattered now. Hux Sr. was dead and there was no need to fear him anymore. Yet, wasn’t he in his grad program because it was the major his father had chosen for him?

 _No. I don’t want to think about that. It’s just the fever talking. I chose this life. Me. No one else_.

He stumbled into the kitchen and poured a glass of cold water and then took some more fever reducers. At this rate, he was going to have to miss class and his internship tomorrow, and Hux _never_ called in sick.

By six the next morning, the fever still hadn’t broken, and Bren reluctantly acknowledged that he was too sick to leave the apartment. Shivering and sweating, he typed emails to his professors and his boss, apologizing for not being able to make it in for the day.  

Then he crawled back into bed, shaking with exhaustion, and slowly raised one hand to the wall by his head. Sighing deeply, he slowly drifted off into unsettling dreams where he kept morphing into his father and ripping up beautiful paintings full of color.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have an inspiration Pinterest board that has gotten wildly out-of-hand for this fic. Come frolic with us. And because I am bad with links, here's the URL: https://www.pinterest.com/mothdustmouth/echo-in-between/


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are more lemons in this chapter. The actual fruit kind. And Bren discovers what looking at someone's art entails.

The brunet reminded himself to turn his alarm on for the following day. He proceed with his morning routine, feeling the weight of his cellphone in his pocket. Hux didn’t reply for the rest of the day and he opted to do the same, not wanting to bother him. He should rest and recover.

He left to start his day, not exactly feeling up to it, and stared for a long time at Hux’s door. It was a shade of dark green, not like Hux’s eyes. No. Nothing was like his eyes. Nothing did them justice, not even his sketches.  

Finn was there waiting for him when Kylo arrived at the cafe so he squinted his eyes, getting ready for whatever would come out from the boy’s mouth.

“Hey! How was your weekend? Did you guys have fun?”

Kylo eyed him with a deadpan expression. “I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that in plural. I’d like a strawberry cheesecake frappuccino.”

Finn shrugged. “Alright. But do you know why the other guy didn’t come in today?’’

“Uh, you mean Hux?”

“Yep.”

“Oh.” He frowned. Suddenly he felt anxious and worried. He didn’t know Hux was _that_ bad, enough to make him skip classes. He thought about where he would be right now, curled up in his bed. Feeling cold and no one there to help him. What if he didn’t have anymore medicine and couldn’t get up to buy it?

“He’s sick,” he chose to reply instead and got his drink. He didn’t want to give too much information about Hux’s life to people when he didn’t know how Hux felt about it.

“Oh, okay. So _now_ you know him enough to know he’s sick?”

“Finn, I tolerate you because of my cousin. But frankly, this is none of your business.”

Finn faked a hurt expression and left it at that. Kylo thought he’d end up hurting his eyes if he kept rolling them so hard.

The rest of his day was utterly boring. Halfway through his class, he found himself making doodles in the corner of his book. Some were men in profiles, others were eyes or tiny dragons. He thought about what Rey must be doing right now. He hadn’t thought about her in a long time. Family can be very difficult. He hopes she’s fine, nonetheless.

Not wanting to travel that road of thought, he decided to text Hux. He was still concerned.

_hey, heard from finn u didnt come in 2day. wanted 2 check on u._

_I still have a fever. I slept yesterday, but then got up in the middle of the night. I decided to take the day off._

_shit dude, dyou need anything? i can make more tea if u want._

_That is a generous offer. However, I don’t want to put you through any more trouble._

Kylo huffed at the formality Hux used to type. It was cute.

_its no trouble at all! i wanna help. plus, i dunno if u have enough meds…_

_Well, since you mention it, I did take the last of the painkillers that I had. If you don’t mind, would you drop some off to me? I will pay you back for them._

_‘course! u dun need to pay, ‘sfine. and i’ll still make more tea!_

_Thank you. I appreciate that._

_there’s one thing tho..._

_What one thing are you referring to?_

_u have my thermos. i’d have 2 go there. If its not a bother, i could make the tea there…?_

_Sure. That would be fine. I have a tea kettle. Nothing fancy. But seriously, I don’t want to get you sick._

_i’ve a strong immune system, dun worry :P i’ll head over after class, so… around 4p.m, is dat ok?_

_That sounds good. I’ll try not to be such a gross mess by the time you get here._

_dat seems unlikely but ok c u soon :)_

Kylo had a smile throughout the end of the class and a small hope tied up in his heart. He’d get to see Hux. That would visibly make the colors of his day even brighter, despite the conditions. The brunet remembered to go to a drug store after leaving the university and texted Phasma.

_p, can u check 4 me if we still have honey?_

_We do. I don’t know you anymore._

Kylo laughed at that and another message from her arrived.

_And you know what? Bring me some junk food. I need it._

_kay._

A bag full of sweets and chips fell on Phasma’s legs when he came home. She smiled big at him and he went to get ready. He showered and brushed his teeth, the mint paste making his lips even more pink. A white clean shirt embraced his slender body and covered his constellation of moles. Hair tied up, but some curly strands still fell over his hazel eyes.

He was panicking a little bit. _Just a little_ , he lied to himself. There was an invisible thin cord of anxiety falling through his stomach and he shuddered. He must do this, though. He really wanted to help.

The door to Hux’s apartment stared at him and he stared back. Should he text him first, telling him he was there? Or just knock? What if he was sleeping? Or showering? Kylo groaned at himself. He needed to stop overthinking.

The bag containing the lemons and honey were held at his left side. He took a deep breath and with his right hand, he finally knocked on the door.

***

Kylo was actually coming over. Today. In just a few hours. Hux tried not to panic. When was the last time he had someone over to his place? Not in this apartment. It must have been in the last one, though Hux could not remember who it was or when.

He had been sitting in bed, half asleep, when Kylo texted him. He looked around the room in alarm, wondering what he should do first. Shower? No, first he should check the apartment and make sure it was clean. He didn’t want any dishes sitting out, even in the drying rack.

Bren hauled himself from the bed and straightened his apartment, which was already obsessively clean by anyone else’s standards. Then he took a shower and brushed his teeth. The only part of his routine that he skipped was blow-drying his hair, because he worried that the heat would make his fever worse. He figured it would be mostly dry by the time Kylo got there anyway.

He double-checked everything in the kitchen, wiping down the already immaculate stove top and tea kettle, then getting out a fresh hand towel. Reassured that everything looked as orderly as it could, Hux distracted himself by editing his thesis one more time while he sat with his laptop on the couch in his living room. His eyes darted up to the door every few minutes, knowing Kylo would be knocking soon.

At 3:50, Hux got up and gathered his slightly damp hair back into a low ponytail, capturing the ends in the band as he usually did to make a smooth, small loop of copper hair behind his head. He studied his face. It was not a pretty sight. There were dark smudges under his eyes from his troubled sleep and he was extremely pale, even for him. His freckles stood out starkly against the white skin. He sighed as he smoothed the light green henley over his stomach, glad that the material was so soft against his aching skin.

There was a knock on the door and Bren’s stomach flipped. He glanced at himself one more time in the mirror, giving himself a stern look that said, _don’t be an idiot_ , and walked to the door.

Kylo stood there with two bags hooked around his large hands. He smiled shyly at Hux, and suddenly Hux couldn’t breathe. Had Kylo always been this breathtakingly beautiful? Actually, Hux supposed that he had. After a moment of slack-jawed staring, Bren moved out of the way and asked Kylo to come in.

Then he closed the door and he was alone with a gorgeous, crazy artist who was here to take care of him because he was sick. That was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him.

 _You’re sick_ , Hux reminded himself. _That’s why he’s here. Don’t get any ideas_. He had forgotten about his body aches and fever as soon as he laid eyes on Kylo.

His guest brought him back to earth.

“You look tired,” Kylo said as he made himself at home in Hux’s kitchen. “You said you didn’t sleep very well?” he asked, filling the tea kettle and lighting the burner.

“Yesterday I slept all afternoon and then woke up around two in the morning. So I’ve been really out of it. I’ve slept off and on today, but I can’t seem to actually get rested.”

“I heard some of my classmates saying that this thing is going around right now,” Kylo said as he pulled out a bag of lemons. Hux smiled faintly, unsure why the parcel of golden fruit made him so happy. “Cutting board?” Kylo asked. Hux slipped past him, careful not to touch him in any way, and got the board from a cupboard near the stove.

“Knives are in the block right there,” Hux said, pointing. Kylo selected one and began slicing lemons. Hux watched him contentedly, enjoying the way Kylo handled the fruit, his long fingers getting sticky with juice. Hux noticed that he was keeping two of his fingers curled back and he realized that they had bandages on them. Huh. He wondered what had happened.

“Hux?” Bren startled out of his reverie. Kylo had been trying to get his attention it seemed.

“Hm? Sorry, what?”

“Your eyes look kind of glassy and feverish. Here, I bought you some pills. The pharmacist told me they were the best ones for the... _thing_ you probably have.” Kylo rinsed his hands and then pulled out a small cardboard box and ripped it open, revealing a white plastic bottle inside. He wrestled off the childproof cap and handed the bottle to Hux. “It says to take two,” Kylo instructed, squinting at the packaging.

Hux obeyed. He was enjoying this, he realized. No one had ever taken care of him like this before. Even as a child, when he was sick, he was just told to stay in bed. No one had ever made him tea and pampered him.

“I talked to the pharmacist a bit, and I told her that I was going to make you this tea. She said that the lemon juice and honey would be good for you.” Kylo gave him a small smile, as if proud of himself that he had talked to someone in order to figure out the best way to treat Hux’s symptoms. Hux genuinely appreciated it.

“Thank you,” Hux said softly, looking up into Kylo’s hazel eyes, and then back down at the thermos as Kylo dropped in the tea bags. “This is... really nice.”

***

Kylo suppressed a smile at the last thing Hux said. The worry he had before going inside Hux’s apartment was long forgotten. It felt almost too normal. This is the most informal look he had ever seen on Hux and it was a secret joy to him now. Even so, he really didn’t like knowing that the reason was because of the sickness. The ginger man looked more frail than ever.

There was a whistle in the background interrupting Kylo’s thoughts, meaning it was time to take the kettle from the stove. He wanted to ask if Hux should sit down. It looked like he’d fall at any moment. He kept shifting the weight of his feet to pretend he wasn’t losing balance.

Kylo grabbed a dish cloth to hold the kettle and poured the water into the thermos containing the ingredients. He watched how the water mixed along with them. Once he finished the tea, he placed the kettle on the corner of the stove away from any kind of danger. He poured a cup for Hux and left the thermos resting on the kitchen counter, in case the latter needed more. He gave the small cup to Hux, making sure he was holding it right and Kylo heard a soft “Thank you…”

He didn’t pour any for himself. He felt Hux would need more than him and he watched him close his glassy eyes when the tea touched his lips.  At least he had leaned against the counter so he wouldn’t fall. There was silence in the little house but it was not uncomfortable. There wasn’t any obligation to fill the void.

While he waited, he gazed around the room. It was neat and completely organized, a small wave of shame hit his face and he hoped Hux couldn’t see his red cheeks. His apartment was a goddamn mess. If Hux ever ended up going there… Kylo shook his head, pushing the thoughts away. He bet Hux’s books were in alphabetical order somewhere. He wanted to smile at that.

There were no portraits though. No trace of a past, a younger Hux with his family, a trip with friends. Nothing. What did his parents look like? Were there any friends that helped him through a tough time, just like Phasma did for him?

“I finished it.” Hux’s voice made him turn back to him. He blinked a few times, until he understood what he meant. The tea.

“Oh, good.” He made a movement to leave the kitchen. “I honestly think it’s better if you lie down… I feel like you’re going to faint.”

“I’m not.”

“Hux.” Kylo touched his shoulder to guide him out of the kitchen. He didn’t ask where his room was because it was the same layout as his house, just switched around. He hoped Hux didn’t feel freaked out by this.

Hux pushed the door open, complaining softly all the way but Kylo kept deflecting his comments. Once again, this room was missing color. No sign that someone had shared memories and breathed air in here. Kylo wanted to paint these walls.

Hux’s body touched the mattress with a grace Kylo didn’t know he’d have even in a moment like this. He noticed he was barefoot and the tips of his toes were curling, trying to keep the cold away. Kylo, then, said out loud that he was going to cover him with a blanket. He really didn’t want to cross any unknown boundaries Hux had, so he chose to ask before doing anything.

With his consent, he did just that. The material was soft enough so it wouldn’t bother his skin and Kylo was glad for that. His right hand touched Hux’s forehead to check if the fever was still high. Callused fingers contrasting with Hux’s silky face. The bandages were an insult to the angel below.

“It’ll take a while for the meds to kick in. Can I get a towel from your bathroom?”

“Sure, go ahead…” He whispered, half-closed eyes. He would feel sleepy soon too.

He quietly left to get a small towel, and with the faucet running, he soaked it with water. Hux had his eyes fully closed when he got back. Not wanting to scare him, he called his name. ‘’Hux?’’

No reply.

He figured the pills must had kicked in and, tired as he was, he had fallen asleep in a heartbeat. Kylo placed the damp towel on his forehead, nonetheless, and pushed the blanket closer to Hux’s face. There was a chair in the other corner of the room so he pulled it over to sit next to him. A ticking sound was coming from the clock resting on his nightstand, echoing through the apartment. It had been a long time since Kylo heard that noise.

This brought back memories of when he had to take care of his cousin. The little Rey. She was always sick, and with parents being so absent from their lives, he was the one to look after her. He _raised_ her with his blood and tears. And yet, she won’t even tell him where she was now.

No.

This was different. This was _nothing_ compared to Rey. Hux _was_ different. He frowned at himself, declaring it won’t help at all to have such thoughts. Instead, he let his eyes leave the sleeping figure and he looked at the wall in front of him. He knit his eyebrows again, but for an entirely different reason. The layout of their residences were switched around, right?

So… this meant the room next to Hux’s was… his?

“What the fuck,” he whispered to himself, hands hovering in the air like an answer would fall into them. He wanted to gasp but held it in, not wanting to wake Hux. They’ve been sleeping _literally_ next to each other for _how long_ god knows! Kylo wanted to scream. Of all the possibilities and probabilities that they could’ve met or not, they ended up _literally_ separated by a thin wall.

Oh, Hux would so hear about this once he woke up.

After a few minutes, he managed to calm down. _This is not the right moment, save it for when Hux feels better_ , he told himself. So, with that thought in mind, and the ticking of the clock making the exhaustion hit his shoulders, he fell asleep in the chair and dreamed of a white canvas being colored.

***

He blinked, scrunching his face for a moment before opening his eyes. Hux waited for the headache and the fever to come storming back as soon as he lifted his eyelids. Mercifully, however, he didn’t feel the rush of his illness, just a slightly stiff, tight feeling around his eyes and neck.

There was a washcloth draped on his forehead, long since warmed to body temperature. He pulled it off and set it to the side. Hux turned his head when he heard a soft noise beside him, the sound of someone’s breath in the still room. Kylo was asleep in a chair, curled awkwardly into the small space as best as his lanky body allowed.

Hux watched him for a moment, savoring the rare opportunity to study him without being caught. _Everything about this boy is extreme_ , Hux thought. He was too tall, his shoulders wide and his waist narrow. The skin of his face and body was alabaster white, flawless save for his beauty marks. His nose and ears were large, and the mane of his hair was wild and luxurious.

Bren rolled up on one elbow in order to reach the glass of water on his nightstand, and Kylo stirred. His dark eyes slowly blinked open and he rubbed his neck where his head had been bent over in an unnatural position. His eyes met Hux’s and he smiled slowly at him. Bren returned the dreamy grin, both of them content to simply gaze at one another for a moment.

Kylo’s eyes suddenly flashed open. He looked at the wall behind Hux’s head, and then back at the ginger. He gestured at the wall.

“Hux, we’ve been sleeping together,” Kylo said, looking at him with a strange expression. Now Hux’s eyes went wide.

“Pardon me?”

“You and me,” Kylo said, pointing between them and speaking slowly as if Hux was having trouble understanding the words. “We have been sleeping together, for, like, awhile now. Can you believe it?”

“Um…” Hux replied. He felt like he was losing his mind.

“Oh,” Kylo said suddenly, as if just realizing what was leading to the confusion. “No, I didn’t mean, um, well… Just follow me.” With that he unfolded himself from the chair and then bent over Hux, offering his hand. Hux blinked at him for a moment before slowly putting his slim hand in Kylo’s huge warm one. He peeled back the blanket with his other hand, and padded out of the room behind Kylo on his bare feet.

He was practically pulled out of his front door and down the hall to Kylo’s place. Just outside the door, Kylo paused and looked at Hux conspiratorially, putting a finger to his lips and signaling that they needed to be quiet. Hux nodded and they crept into the apartment. Kylo pulled him quickly through the living room and then down a hall that was the mirror image of Hux’s place. They past a door that was slightly ajar, the sound of a video game and cursing filtering into the hallway. At the end of the hall past the bathroom, Kylo led him into the craziest bedroom Hux had ever seen.

This was obviously Kylo’s room. Hux gazed around, still a little sleepy from the fever earlier and the medicine he had taken, and felt dazed. Color and pattern were everywhere. He didn’t know where to look first. The posters on the wall were an eclectic mix of bands and art, plus several original creations. Hux was very interested in those, but he almost instantly stumbled over a stack of video games and CDs. Trying to right himself, he realized that his bare feet where nuzzled into one of Kylo’s sweaters on the floor, and that his hand was being firmly grasped by the man standing next to him. _Had they been holding hands this entire time?_

Afraid to move at all, he just looked helplessly up at Kylo from beneath the fall of copper hair that had escaped its elastic band while he slept.

“Look!” Kylo said, gesturing at his cluttered bed. Hux looked back at him, completely at a loss. “Our apartments are mirror images right? So what’s on the other side of this wall?” Hux started to grasp what he meant.

“My room,” he said softly. Then the full realization hit him. “My _bed._ ”

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Kylo seemed to realize that Hux was marooned on the small island of his sweater with no room to move, and he began clearing off a spot on his bed. Keeping his long arm reached out to him, he helped Hux make it to the safety to the mattress so he could sit down. Hux instinctively scooted up with his back against the wall, the same way he did in his own bed, and he realized that if Kylo ever did the same thing, then they would be sitting back to back. He was suddenly flooded with a strange feeling. He wasn’t sure how to categorize it. It felt like sunlight on his back, warm and soothing. He gazed up at Kylo for a moment. Kylo gazed back. Hux wondered if he felt less alone, the way he suddenly did. They _had_ been sleeping together. Hux smiled.

“Show me your art?” Hux asked, his voice soft. Kylo nodded, suddenly seeming bashful, and turned to look for something in his whirlwind of a room. While his back was turned, Hux gazed at the original work on the walls. _Wow. If these were Kylo’s…_

“Are all of these yours?” Hux asked. Kylo nodded, looking half proud and half afraid. “These are _amazing_ ,” Hux said genuinely.

“They’re old… ” Kylo said. “Here’s some of my more recent work. It’s a mix of school and personal stuff. Sorry.”

They sat on Kylo’s bed side-by-side, their backs resting against the wall, and poured over Kylo’s sketches for nearly half an hour as Hux asked insightful questions and Kylo slowly loosened up. While they were still talking about one character design sketch that was particularly promising, Hux absently grabbed another sketchbook off the nightstand and flipped it open without thinking.

He saw the expression on Kylo’s face before he looked down to see what had gotten such a horrified reaction. The book he had just opened was filled with sketches of Hux. They were detailed, professional looking. They captured the way his hair fell around his face when it was down, and how it looked lying close to his skull when it was pulled back. His sharp nose and chin, his slender neck. But the most amazing part about the drawings where his _eyes_. They seemed alive somehow. Hux gazed at the drawings in stunned silence.  

He looked back at Kylo then, realizing that the other man was holding his breath. All the color had drained out of his face. He was trembling slightly and looked terrified. Hux gently reached out one hand and laid it over Kylo’s large rough one where he was gripping his knee.

“These… they’re beautiful,” Hux said, holding the dark eyes captive with his as he tightened his grip on the hand he was grasping. Kylo let out the breath he had been holding, shaking his head and staring at Hux.

“You aren’t… um, weirded-out?”

Hux gave a snort. “No. I’m flattered. I don’t think anyone has ever thought my face worth preserving like this before. Do you really see me like this? These make me look, well, better than I actually do.”

“I didn’t do you justice at all,” Kylo responded, blushing, unable to look away.

Hux realized that they were much closer now than when they had started looking through Kylo’s art together. How had that happened? He also noted that they were both beginning to lean in, very slowly, their eyes still locked. Kylo’s eyes left his for just a moment, flicking down to Hux’s mouth, then back up to his eyes. Hux tilted his head ever so slightly, his hair falling across his forehead and away from his face, as he, too, let his gaze fall to the other boy’s perfect mouth.

The door banged open.

“Ah-HA!” Phasma whooped in triumph.

 


	4. Chapter 4

They both jumped when they heard Phasma’s shout. Kylo’s heart was beating like a drum and Hux had turned his face to the other side. He couldn’t believe this had happened. Hux was going to kiss him. _Kiss him._ But of course something was going to happen, because that was Kylo’s life and something _always_ happened without any warning. He blushed madly but kept his glare aimed at his roommate.

“Am I interrupting something?” She sang with a smirk on her face. To that, both Kylo and Hux answered in unison “Yes!” and “No!” respectively. Kylo cringed mentally and he wanted to be buried alive.

“Suuure.” She rolled her eyes. “Well, you’re _the_ neighbor Kylo talks so much about! How nice to officially meet you!’’

“Phas… this is not a good time,” he quietly said, but was secretly planning a murder.

“Uh, yes. Hi. My pleasure…” Hux looked briefly at Kylo before dropping his green eyes down, back to the sketchbook. Another wave of embarrassment. “Listen, I should go.”

“Oh, sure...’’ They both got up and went to the door, Hux looking small between Kylo and Phasma. She moved away so they could get to the hallway and Kylo pretended to not see her joy.

Kylo’s heart was still ringing in his ears once they got to the door and Hux turned to him, opening his mouth as if to say something but then closing it. He wanted to keep him there. The brunet wanted to hold his hand again, feel the soft skin against his not-so-delicate ones. An irony of his work, since his hands were his instruments. Hux’s hair was still resting on his face, loose from the low ponytail, and he had to put his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Otherwise, he’d want to tuck that hair behind the ginger’s ear.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry about that…”

Hux stared a little more at him, working on a sentence. He chuckled and gazed at the hallway. “It’s okay. Thank you for… taking care of me. I’ll talk to you later.”

Kylo’s ears were burning but he smiled nonetheless. “Okay… Anytime.”

Hux backed away, still smiling at Kylo, until he got to his apartment. When he heard the low _click_ indicating the lock, he stormed into the living room where Phasma was standing with her arms crossed, looking like she had discovered the answers to the universe.

“So…”

“P, what the fuck?”

“Look, it is _not_ my fault if _someone_ didn’t introduce the little nugget to me yet! It felt like you never would! I was curious.” She shrugged in a careless way and proceeded to mumble: “Plus, I was hungry…”

He groaned, eyes on the ceiling. “That’s not how I thought my day would go.’’

Alright. He closed his eyes and remembered those breathing exercises he used to have and counted to thirty. He went to the kitchen and began to look for something to prepare for them. He asked if a simple sandwich would do and Phasma nodded. So he made one and Phasma looked _almost_ sorry when he gave the plate to her. He knew it would be okay though. They always ended up on good terms. Heck, they were practically brothers.

With that thought, he merely sighed and went to hug her, but it didn’t last long. Her eyes got a little wide. It was rare to see him initiating contact. He kissed her forehead and went to his room.

Truth be told, he really wasn’t expecting anything like that at all. It felt almost like a dream, to be honest. The sketches he made of Hux were not meant to be there, it was an accident. He felt all the blood from his body run cold when Hux’s hands had touched that sketchbook and he thought, _This is it. You’ve ruined everything again, Kylo_. Because he might create worlds with his hands but he also learned he could destroy them. A paradox.

Such a reaction coming from Hux was a surprise. He felt the string around his heart set loose and air entered in his lungs again when Hux touched him. The angel sound that wrapped the small man’s voice contained so much sincerity that Kylo felt happiness.

He rested his back against the wall and wondered if Hux was doing the same. As if reading his mind, the light from his cellphone shone from the floor. It was over near some clothes he had left in a corner, as usual. So he picked it up and returned to his original position. Hux’s name showed on the screen.

_I’m sorry I left so abruptly. Your roommate isn’t just intimidating, she’s terrifying._

Kylo snorted at Hux’s words. Yes, yes she was. He rested his elbows on his knees, phone up in the air while he typed a reply.

_no, sokay! trust me, she’s a real softy once u get to kno her… im sry. how u feelin?_

_Much better. That medicine really helped. So did the tea, of course._

Kylo’s fingers hovered over the keypad, thumbs moving up and down. Part of him wanted to ask about what would have happened if Phasma had not come in. But the other side was eating him alive, wondering if they were going pretend nothing _would_ have actually happened. That their eyes didn’t flicker down to each other’s mouths and their hearts didn’t beat faster. He decided not to question it and see what Hux would do.

_glad 2 kno dat! r u goin 2 skool 2mrw?_

_Yes. I’ll drag myself out of bed and go. I hate to miss._

_course u do. can we go 2gthr in the mornin? i could try 2 wakin up earlier if it’d mess up ur schedule…?_

Kylo insisted to himself it was only to check if Hux was well enough to start a new day. But that was clearly a fat lie. He wanted to see what kind of formal clothes Hux would choose for the morning, if his hair was going to be tied up or loose, lightly touching his shoulders. If his eyes would reveal the soul shining within them.

_Sure. Do you want to stop for coffee? I just need to be to the university by 8._

_always say yes 2 coffee. kay, so i’ll be there by 7! gnite :)_

After he pressed the _send_ button, he took off his shirt and threw it to the ground. His head sunk to the pillow and he went back to staring at the wall. It was odd, yet incredibly amazing, this situation they had gotten themselves into. He poked a little bit at the bandage on his index finger, debating whether or not he should do what just came in his mind. It’d be funny though. A  greeting reserved only for them.

He held his fist up and knocked on the surface of the wall with his knuckles. A few moments went by, and Kylo started chewing the inside of cheek when the silence felt too heavy.

But then he heard it.

There it was.

A quiet knock as a reply, coming from the other side of the wall. It was Hux saying his goodnight.

Kylo fell asleep with a small smile on his face.

***

Hux pressed his hand to the wall after he returned Kylo’s knock. It was a strange comfort, knowing he was right there on the other side of the thin sheet of plaster.

The light in the room was off, and Hux listened to the ticking of his small clock on the bedside table, sounding louder than ever before. He had never noticed how empty his room was until he had walked back into it after being over in Kylo’s bedroom. That room had been bursting full of life and personality. Looking around his own place, anyone could have been living there. It had no character.

He wasn’t sure who had been about to kiss who, but they _were_ going to kiss. If only that insane roommate hadn’t burst in. Next time, Hux would have to get Kylo over to his apartment so they wouldn’t be interrupted.

Hux stopped his scheming for a minute to talk some sense into himself. Did he really want to take this farther? He barely knew Kylo. Hux pushed aside the thought that whispered that it felt like he had known him for years. In reality, they had only started talking a week ago. Was Hux really ready to upend his carefully ordered life and let this frazzled artist walk into it?

He looked around the dark room, imagining the blank walls, the cheerless atmosphere. He thought about waking up, cold and alone, every day, for the rest of his life.

In this moment, _yes_ , he was absolutely ready for a crazy artist to mess up his boring life. At least, he _thought_ he was. Still touching the wall, Hux drifted off to sleep. For once, the dreams they shared were peaceful.

In the morning, Hux finally felt more like himself. The hazy feeling from being sick and from the medicine had dissipated, and besides a slight headache, he felt pretty good.

Before he thought about it too much, he tapped his knuckles against the plaster by his head. A few seconds passed, and then there was an answering knock. Hux smiled to himself. _I am ridiculous,_ he thought.

Heaving himself out of bed, he started getting ready. He tried to concentrate on his usual routine, but he caught himself thinking too much about his clothes and hair. _How would Kylo like him to dress? What was his favorite way Hux wore his hair? Down or back? High ponytail or low?_

He shook his head at himself in the mirror after he had toweled off. He sprayed himself with a little of his cologne, never liking to smell too strongly of it, and then got dressed. He chose dark-wash jeans and a pale button-up, then pulled on a soft gray sweater. He tackled his hair, blow-drying and brushing through it till it was gleaming. He looked at himself for a moment, deciding it looked okay down. He ate a quick breakfast and then brushed his teeth. Sitting down in one of the two chairs around his small table, Hux laced up his cognac-colored boots.

Right at 7:01 there was a knock at his door. Hux opened it to Kylo’s slightly sheepish face.

“Oh, shit,” was Kylo’s greeting. He was staring. The way his eyes were focused on his face, trailing all over him like fingers, made Hux’s stomach jump. “I mean, um, good m-morning. You, uh… look good. I mean, like you are feeling better.”

“Thanks,” Hux responded, grabbing his messenger bag and moving back to where Kylo was standing by the door. “I feel a lot better after… last night.” They were staring at each other again. Kylo had a somewhat goofy smile on his face, and Hux was guessing by the heat that flared up in his own cheeks, that he probably had a similar expression. “Shall we?” Hux asked, gesturing to the door.

“Oh, sure,” Kylo stumbled back out into the hallway, and Hux locked up. “I really need my morning fix,” Kylo said, and Hux nodded.

“Same here. It’s a good thing you made me tea, or I wouldn’t have gotten any caffeine over the past two days, and I would have a much worse headache.”

“You have a headache?” Kylo ask, sounding concerned. “Are you sure you don’t want to take another day off?” He seemed nervous, but eager to help, and pulled on the bandages around his fingers, before he realized what he was doing and stopped.

Hux mused over the idea of having Kylo take care of him again. It was a pleasant thought, but he really wasn’t sick enough to stay home.

“No, I feel ok. Coffee will help,” he said, glancing down at Kylo’s nervous fingers, and noticing the bandages again. “I hope you don’t mind me asking,” Hux said as they stepped into the elevator, “but did you cut your fingers?”

‘’Oh, this? No, no! They’re from the guitar strings,’’ Kylo responded, looking at his own hands and spreading his fingers out. ‘’Sometimes I use too much strength… so the strings break.’’

“You play the guitar?” Hux asked. Kylo nodded. Bren wondered if the music he heard seeping through his wall sometimes was actually Kylo rather than a recording like he had supposed.

They made it to the cafe, and Kylo held the door open for Hux, who smiled too much at the simple gesture. _I could get used to this,_ he decided. As soon as he thought it, he mentally berated himself. _Don’t get soft on me, you moron_. _One beautiful guy opens a door for you, and you swoon? Idiot_.

***

Kylo could get used to this. He took a deep breath for having thoughts like this. When he saw Hux opening his apartment door, it was the same as kicking the air out of him. The brunet seriously could not wrap his head around the idea that someone like Hux could look so perfect at 7 a.m. It was such a struggle for him to start a new day, pick one of this dumb shirts and put on his coat. Kylo mentally slapped himself in the face, because he probably looked like a zombie. Not to mention his shirt said _I’m Like 104% Tired._

He did, however, feel much _much_ better once he got to see Hux. Now _that_ was a good way to start the day. _I want to figure you out_ , he quickly thought. He wanted to know every memory that composed this man, every star that had shined upon him.

He saw Finn getting customers’ orders, so he took advantage of that by whispering something to Hux. “Uh, sorry in advance for anything that Finn is going to say…”

That made Hux smile big and, like he was feeling daring today, he replied: “Let them talk.”

Finn was already staring at them once Kylo turned to look ahead. _Ah, great._ He saw them whispering to one another. What gossip this boy must make about their lives. Kylo said a low greeting, wanting his coffee to officially wake up, and Hux did the same. Their elbows brushed every now and then, the fabric from their clothes making soft noises in comparison to the loud voices in the cafe.

“Hello, hi. Good morning, guys. What, what is going on here? Any news?” Finn said with a huge smile, white teeth shining. Kylo was already glancing at the ceiling, trying to do the breathing exercises, and missed the way Hux looked at him.

It was Hux who opened his mouth first, and the words that came from his lips made Kylo blush furiously. “We… We’ve been sleeping together.”

For a moment, no one said anything.

Finn stood there looking at Kylo then at Hux, big eyes and mouth forming an open smile. The brunet eyed Hux, feeling hurt, shocked to know that little ginger could do such a thing. He knew his face was screaming _What the hell, dude_ because the latter just released the most precious laugh Kylo had ever heard. The way his shoulders went up and his eyes closed to laugh, was ridiculously endearing.

“About time!” Finn yelled and Kylo turned to him, ears burning.

“That is _not_ what he meant!”

“Sure thing, mate.”

Kylo covered his face with the palms of his hands, groaning with embarrassment. He _really_ wasn’t thinking when he said that to Hux before. “Don’t you dare talk to Rey about this…”

“I promise nothing.” Then he looked behind them and, as if realizing for the first time he was actually working, returned to his usual formality. “What can I get for you guys?”

Hux had finally stopped giggling, clearly satisfied with what he had done to Kylo. “I’d like the same as always, please. With coconut milk.”

Kylo looked down and kicked the air. “A mocha breve.”

Finn looked like he was holding himself back, trying to keep it cool but failing miserably. Kylo wondered if he knew where Rey was and then scolded himself. _Of course_ he knew that. They were best friends and Rey would trust him enough to tell him. He sighed, a sudden wave of depression hitting him. He didn’t like feeling concerned over someone and not being able to fix it.

Hux punched his elbow lightly, calling his attention and narrowing his eyes.

“What?” Kylo asked.

“Is something wrong?”

Kylo shrugged the thoughts away. He was with Hux. That was the most important thing right now. He smiled. “No. It’s fine.”

He wasn’t sure if Hux believed in him or not, all he knew was that he didn’t press the matter and he was grateful for that. They saw the barista coming with their drinks, they gladly took them and payed. Finn was about to say something again, but Kylo just sent him a look that made him go back to work. He heard Hux snort.

They left the cafe at a slow pace, heading to the bus stop. He noticed out of the corner of his eye Hux looking at the sidewalk, deep in thought. “Who is Rey?”

Kylo squinted his eyes, knowing that would be brought up at some point. He scratched the back of his hair. “My cousin.”

“Oh, I see.” He took a sip from his coffee and his index finger tapped the cup in a small demonstration of anxiety. “Are you guys close?”

Kylo pursed his lips. “Not anymore.”

Hux seemed like he wanted to say more, but again chose not to. Instead, they got onto the bus, and while both of them waited for their stop, a pleasant talk overshadowed the previous one. They chatted about music, and since Kylo knew a lot, it was incredibly fun to let it all out. He got a little excited and couldn’t stop talking. Hux remained staring at him, a silly grin printing his face and he had both of his hands surrounding the cup. Kylo thought he’d like to be that cup. He asked what Hux’s favorite kind of music was.

“I never bothered to… select a specific genre.” He spoke slowly, as if finding that out just now. “I don’t know a lot of music.”

Kylo couldn’t believe in what he just heard. “What? Are you telling me you, like, never heard Sigur Rós? Or Radiohead?”

Hux hummed and shrugged, making himself smaller. “Never. I’m sorry.”

“Classical?”

Hux paused for a second. “My father used to listen to Bach.”

“I’m going to give you a lot of homework then.” Kylo grinned and Hux responded with another. But then it fell from his face.

“Speaking of that,” he said,  leaning on the seat,  “I don’t think I’ll be able to… hang out tonight. I’ve got some paperwork to finish. Since I’ve been sick, I need to get it done…”

“Oh,” Kylo said in a low voice. The coffee was cold. He forgot to drink the rest of it, too invested in their conversation. He watched through the window as the world became a mere blur due the vehicle’s speed. “No problem.”

Hux’s stop was getting close, so he picked up his bag and stood, a wave of his cologne reaching Kylo with the movement. Kylo pursed his lips, not wishing Hux to go, but there was nothing he could do. The porcelain doll turned to him briefly once more, and he waved a little awkwardly and said goodbye.

Kylo snorted and saluted him in a playful manner.

***

Hux wasn’t sure why he told Finn that they had been sleeping together, but it had seemed absolutely hilarious at the time. He smiled at Kylo’s reaction throughout the day, thinking about the shocked expression on his face. He had worried for a moment that he had gone too far, but the bus ride had gone well, and he hoped that Kylo forgave him.

He hated telling Kylo that he had homework. It was true, but he also needed some time to collect himself and figure things out. Last week, they hadn’t so much as spoken to each other yet, and last night they had almost kissed, and this morning they were leaving the apartment together, getting coffee together, and riding the bus together. Not to mention sleeping side by side…

Every time that image jumped into his mind, Hux tried to banish it, but it kept resurfacing, demanding attention. Kylo, right _there_ , just through the wall. Why was that such a torment? Why couldn’t he think about anything else?

He definitely needed an evening to himself to sort things out. As well as get some paperwork done.

That night, his dinner of salad seemed especially unsatisfying. The tea he made tasted bland. His homework seemed to stretch on and on, not making much sense. He typed anyway, by route, by muscle memory.

Finally, at about eight o’clock, Hux caved completely. He pulled out his phone.

_I finished early. Feel like hanging out?_

_sure! release me from phasma’s arms, i can’t breathe_

_Do you need help with the physical extraction?_

_uh sokay, i can do this... just gonna push her away. u want me 2 go there or u comin here?_

_Hmm. If she is in a physical mood, I think it would be safer for me to stay here. Why don’t you come over here? I think I have some wine._

_sold! be there in a min :)_

Hux glanced around the apartment and ran his hand through his hair several times. He wondered if he had time to brush his teeth, but he heard a thump and an angry female voice from next door, and then the sound of Kylo stomping down the hallway. Hux’s heart jumped.

He made it to the door and pulled it open right as Kylo was raising his hand to knock. Kylo dropped his hand and they stood staring at each other as if they hadn’t seen one another in a week rather than just twelve hours.

“Come in,” Hux said standing back from the door. He closed it after Kylo had made it to the living room, watching after him like he was hypnotized. He wore the same clothes as he had this morning, and Hux smiled a bit at the t-shirt. _Where did he get those?_

“Thanks for asking me over,” Kylo said, looking back at Hux bashfully. “Phasma is a bit much sometimes.”

“Wait, were you serious about that?”

“Ha! Well, only partly. She had her legs on me while watching a movie and didn’t want to move so I could get up.”

“How did you finally convince her?” Hux went into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of wine. “Is red okay?”

“Uh, yeah, red’s fine. So, I just told her, um, I was coming over here… and she let me go.”

Hux stared at him, mouth slightly agape. He held the wine glasses in his hands, and he suddenly realized that he needed to fill them with wine. As he busied himself, he mumbled, “I thought she, um, didn’t like me.”

Kylo shrugged. “I dunno, she seems to like you fine.”

Hux absorbed that for a moment, handing Kylo a glass of ruby liquid. They settled on the couch, a full cushion between them. Hux wished he had sat down closer to Kylo, but now it was too late, and they sat gazing at each other from opposite ends of the sofa.

They each took a small sip from their glass. Kylo made an appreciative noise at the taste and Hux smiled shyly at him.

Having Kylo sitting there, in his apartment, was more overwhelming than Hux had bargained for. He was so large and warm, Hux could feel his body heat, and it was making his head muzzy as though he had already downed an entire bottle of wine.

“So, um…” Kylo said, his voice pleasingly low. There was something about his voice that made Hux want to curl up inside of it. “How long have you lived here? I mean, ah,” Kylo said before Hux could respond, “you are _light itself_ …” Kylo was frowning slightly as he said it, looking up at Hux with his dark soulful eyes. “And your apartment is so _lifeless_.”

 _That’s true,_ Hux thought. Not about him being light itself, though that had made him smile, but about his place being void of personality. Even before the fire, it hadn’t contained much.

“Hm, well, that is an accurate description. It is rather lifeless.” He heaved a sigh. I’ve only been here a few months. There was a fire at my last place-”

Kylo let out an involuntary cry of alarm. “Were you hurt?” The look of horror and concern on his face smote Hux in the chest.

“I wasn’t home, thankfully. And the place didn’t really burn down. But most of my things were ruined by the smoke. Not that I had much to begin with.” Hux looked around at his empty walls and then back at Kylo, tucking a sheet of copper hair behind one ear. “To be honest, my last place looked a lot like this.”

There was something soft and deep in Kylo’s eyes as he gazed at him. He seemed… sad.

“No pictures of… family or friends?”

Hux shrugged and took another sip of wine, larger this time. He hoped they wouldn’t talk about his past more than a few surface details. He didn’t like thinking about Hux Sr. more than he had to.

“My father is dead, and I don’t see my mother much. I’m an only child. My friends are all on social media, so I don’t keep photos of them.” Hux held up his hand when Kylo seemed about to apologize. “No, it’s fine. My family has never been close. The real crime is why I don’t have any _art._ ” Hux turned his eyes on Kylo then and smiled. “I hope you can help me change that.”

As he spoke, Hux set his wineglass down on the coffee table, and he noted Kylo doing the same as he replied.

“I think I might be able to show you a few things,” Kylo said, and then he burst into the most beautiful smile Hux had ever seen. It lit up his entire face. Smile lines crinkled around his eyes and he looked both older and younger all at once. Before he could think about it, Hux was reaching out for that face, cupping it in his hands for a moment, before sliding the right hand back through that lush hair. He held Kylo’s jaw with the other hand, his thumb slowly stroking his cheek.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured, leaning in closer. Kylo’s eyes were suddenly hungry, burning into Hux as he surged forward. Hux was encircled by strong arms, Kylo’s hands reaching up into his hair, feeling the sides of his face, sliding down his neck, as though he suddenly wanted to touch all of him at once. Hux over-balanced in the onslaught, falling backwards onto the couch. Neither of them let go of the other and Kylo was pulled along, catching himself on one arm and lifting up just enough to keep from crushing the smaller man beneath him.

Hux gazed up, his hands pushing back Kylo’s thick cascade of hair. Kylo settled gently over him, braced on one elbow as he held Hux’s jaw in one massive palm. His thumb was calloused where it slowly slipped along Hux’s skin, ghosting along the crest of his cheekbone. His gaze was intense, and for a moment his lips parted and he looked like he was about to speak. Instead he pulled in a deep breath, and shook his head a little bit, as though he couldn’t quite believe what was happening.

Hux felt warm and protected. Kylo’s body was so substantial compared to his own. It was like he had his own personal knight to guard him.

“Kylo,” he whispered. Then their lips met, Kylo’s hand never leaving his face, continuing to caress his smooth cheek as he deepened the kiss.

His lips. Hux wanted to devour them. The taste of wine was in both their mouths. Kylo’s lips were slightly chapped, the texture making him moan softly. Hux lifted his head up off the couch, Kylo’s large hands cupping his skull, supporting the weight, holding him up against his mouth.

Kylo pulled back for a moment, searching Hux with that same bewildered look, panting with the heat beginning to burn brighter and brighter in each of them. He leaned down to him again, enveloping Hux’s thin frame, holding him impossibly close as they continued to slide their lips together.

Hux was on fire. He couldn’t breathe. No one had ever kissed him with so much passion, as if their life depended on it. It was intoxicating. The soft brush of Kylo’s hair as it swept over his face, the gentle, searching lips on his, the rough fingers trailing over his face and neck…

Hux turned his head for a slightly different angle, and then he felt it- the tentative lick of Kylo’s tongue along his bottom lip. Hux gasped and arched up into him. Kylo pulled back to look at him again, as though afraid he was hurting him, but Hux followed him up and grasped handfuls of his dark hair to pull him back against his seeking mouth.

Their tongues met and Kylo moaned into Hux’s mouth. When Hux looked up at him, taking in that beautiful face, Kylo’s brows were furrowed as though he didn’t understand how he could be feeling all of this so strongly. Hux gazed at him, enchanted by the pure emotion etched into every line of Kylo’s expression. He could feel the sturdy arms begin to tremble slightly as they licked into each other’s mouths, lost to everything but the contact points between their bodies.

Hux was being drawn into an undertow of pure sensation. Between the feeling of their clashing mouths and the strong hands wrapping around his skull, Hux actually felt safe. They were both murmuring small sounds of need against one another. One of Kylo’s hands slipped out of Hux’s hair and down his slender ribcage. He trailed his thick fingers down over Hux’s shirt, before slipping under the hem, and pushing back up over his naked skin. The calloused fingers brushed his nipple and Hux arched back with a loud moan.

Too much, it was too much too soon. He felt like he was drowning. Another few minutes of this and he would lose all control over himself. He pushed against Kylo’s chest and pulled his mouth away from his, gasping for air, trying desperately to clear his head. He shoved at Kylo’s heavy body until Kylo sat back, both of them sitting up on the couch, staring wide-eyed and panting.

“Kylo, I’m sorry... I…” Hux trailed off. What could he say? _I want you but I’m afraid at how overwhelming you are? I know once this happens my life will never be the same?_

***

Kylo felt like he was breathing for the first time since he was born. A wave of peace hit his skin and mind, he felt _safe_. Hux was the most beautiful piece of art he had ever laid eyes on and he envied that he wasn’t the one to mold him. But his bare hands were touching him, caressing the light that glowed in Hux. His pupils were wide and glassy. Hux tasted divine.

When the ginger said he was beautiful, Kylo wanted to scream _No. No. You are. You’re fascinating_. He couldn’t hold himself back, he just couldn’t. The feeling of those fingers brushing against his thick hair was absolutely driving him insane. It felt like a choir had sung and time stopped. The ticking from Hux’s clock long forgotten. There was electricity when their lips clashed. _Ah, yes. Finally. This is right. This is perfect._

Kylo never allowed himself to feel any of this. Deep down, he knew he was scared to let his feelings get carried away. He knew what happened when he got too deep. Hux made all of that extremely difficult. It was practically impossible to resist this man. There was a sort of pull dragging them closer and closer, like gravity itself. Two worlds colliding. A supernova. An explosion in the galaxy. He could almost touch the stars.

When he felt Hux gasp and push him away, he knew he had gone too far. Kylo really didn’t want to ruin this. Something told him he wouldn’t be same if Hux were to flee.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He closed his eyes, recovering his breath and mentally cursing his heart for beating too fast. His ribcage hurt.  “It was just… uh, overwhelming. I got… I got lost there.”

He still had his eyes closed, afraid that if he opened them, Hux wouldn’t be there or he’d be upset. But then he felt thin hands touch his face and Hux’s soft voice close to him.

“Kylo.” It sounded like he was smiling. “Look at me.”

He shook his head and thought how childish he must look right now. He did what he was told. Hux’s eyes were still a little wide, his lips were bright red from kissing. Hair everywhere. _I did this_ , he thought. _Fuck._

“Don’t be sorry… It’s not that. I… I don’t want to rush things?” The corner of Kylo’s mouth showed a small smile at that because Hux made it sound like a question, like he wasn’t sure of any of this at all. Kylo nodded and held Hux’s hands that were still resting on his face. They stared at each other for a while, neither of them yet daring to move.

Wanting to make Hux laugh and make things better, he said: “I gotta be honest, I was dying to touch your hair…”

Mission succeeded. Hux’s shoulders shook just like they had that morning and he buried his face under the shadow of Kylo’s chin. The softness of his copper hair lightly hitting his chest. He’ll keep this memory safely tucked in his mind.

“Uh, I wanted your lips.” His thumb brushed Kylo’s bottom lip and he already missed Hux’s taste. His ears burned at the man’s comment. His heart skipped a few beats and they shared a warm smile. _I won’t survive this, will I?_

All in all, Kylo couldn’t stop time to hold this precious moment and could only hope for more in the future. It was getting late. The touch from the wine in their system was long gone and he needed to get back. “I have to go.” He sighed, and Hux reluctantly nodded.

They stood up. Hux picked up the glasses and put them in the kitchen sink. Their feet echoed in the quiet house. The door creaked when Hux opened it and when Kylo crossed out into the hallway, their eyes connected. Kylo still couldn't believe _that_ happened. He had this man in his arms a second ago, but it already felt like a lifetime.

Hux opened his mouth to probably say goodnight, but Kylo shook his head and moved forward, cupping the ginger’s face again and kissing him deeply. He felt, more than he heard, Hux sigh and moan, gladly accepting the action. He flicked his tongue again and tilted his head. Kylo sucked in his bottom lip and bit it. He smiled when Hux gasped and pulled away.  

“Goodnight.” He smiled big, and left Hux with a dumbfounded expression, still at the door. He heard a low answer a moment later.

The door that lead to Phasma’s room was closed when he walked through his hallway, so he assumed she was asleep. He went to the bathroom, washed his face and brushed his teeth. Hux’s taste was now a ghostly sensation tingling on his lips.

Upon falling into bed, he closed his eyes. Not to sleep, but to rewind the events like a movie. What had he done to deserve such a thing as Hux? Was he worthy of having these feelings? If not, then he’ll fight a war for it. He knows it.

Calming his heart, his knuckles once again brushed at the surface next to him, imagining it was Hux’s skin instead, because now he _knew_  what he felt like. He knocked, not strong, but enough to echo through the thin wall, and felt that peaceful wave hit him again when he heard Hux’s answer.

  



	5. Chapter 5

Hux woke up smiling. At first he wasn’t sure why. Then his fingers drifted over his lips, wondering why there was a lingering sensation there, and he remembered. Kylo. Hux smiled even broader, and tapped on the wall. A moment, then an answering knock. It sent a small thrill through him. Kylo was _right there_. Hux wished the wall would dissolve into nothingness, that he could simply roll over and embrace Kylo. He wanted to nuzzle into his hair, breathe him in, taste him again.

Why on earth had he stopped them last night? It had been the most divine kiss Hux ever shared. It had been sweet and passionate all at once. The fire coursing through his veins had made him feel like a livewire, burning and hot. All that from a kiss.

That _was_ the reason. Kylo was an all-consuming fire.

Hux needed to think, and when Kylo was with him, Hux didn’t want to use logic. He didn’t want to plan and scheme and micromanage his own life. He wanted to throw the Hux namesake out of the window, let it shatter into a thousand pieces and blow away in the wind.

If he stuck to his father’s outline for his life, he couldn’t have Kylo. Pure and simple. He would have to choose between them, and soon. Hux rubbed his face, not wanting to be logical for once. Hux just wanted. He wanted _so much_.

At 7:02, there was a soft knock on his door. They had not officially arranged to meet this time, but Kylo had shown up to go get coffee with Hux all the same. It drove home the point that Hux was going to have to decide sooner rather than later. Kylo was not the kind of person to just wait around for Hux to show up or call him. Hux should have realized that when Kylo made him the tea. He had said he did not need anything, but Kylo hadn’t listened, and had done the perfect thing regardless. If he didn’t want to have Kylo around, he would have to hurt him. Badly. The thought made Bren’s blood run cold.

Kylo was smiling at him, wearing another one of his insane t-shirts. “The truth is out there.” _Where did he get those?_ Maybe he made them…

Hux had pulled his hair back today, with some regret. As much as he wanted to feel Kylo’s fingers in his hair again, he knew he would be lost to the touch. He knew, beyond a doubt, that the next time they kissed, Hux wouldn’t have the strength to stop them. He wouldn’t want to. Hadn’t wanted to.

Kylo’s hair was loose and framed his pale face. Hux held the strap of his messenger bag as he slipped it over his head to keep from reaching out and carding through that thick mane. Kylo's eyes were dark… and deep. Hux felt like he was being pulled into them, into Kylo’s orbit, caught in his gravity.

“Good morning,” Hux said. It came out a lot softer than he had meant. _Let’s skip school today_ , he thought. _Forget it, let’s write our professors and say we’re sick. Let’s spend the whole day on the couch… or in bed_.

“Good morning,” Kylo returned, still gazing at him in a way that made Hux want to rip that t-shirt off his body.

“Want to get some coffee?” Hux asked. Kylo looked like he was going to say he wanted something else, but instead he snapped his mouth shut and just nodded.

Their morning together was much more subdued than the previous day. They didn’t talk very much, and kept sneaking shy glances at each other, both lost in their own thoughts.

Finn just shook his head when he saw them come in together, and drew hearts around Kylo’s name on his paper cup. They rode the bus sitting side by side. Kylo’s hand lay close to Bren’s as if he was about to reach over and take it, but neither moved. There was a current running over Hux’s skin, and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch the other boy.

His stop came all too soon. He looked over once at Kylo, not sure if he should say anything. Kylo seemed to be trying to think of a sentence, but Hux was stepping off the bus onto the sidewalk before he was able to speak. The bus pulled away, and Hux felt an ache in his chest. He should have suggested playing hookie. He knew the rest of his day was going to be unbearable.

***

Last night’s events were like a blur compared to this morning. Kylo stretched his back in a lazy manner and began his routine. The water from the shower was cold again, he had to squeeze the toothpaste because they hadn’t bought a new one yet and he had to use Phasma’s shampoo. Great. Now he’ll smell like lavender all day. He sighed, defeated.

He saw her about to leave the apartment when he got out of his room, fully dressed, and he stopped her in her tracks. For a second she looked concerned, eyebrows knit. He stumbled on his words but he managed to get them out when he talked slowly about what happened. He _had_ to tell her. He felt like he should, after all they’ve been through. Kylo saw her eyebrows go up and a rare big smile show on her face before he was engulfed by strong arms.

She held his cheeks, squeezing them in a childish way and whispered how proud of him she was. He blushed, hands down and not knowing what to do. Sometimes he questioned himself how he got Phasma in his life. She was too good for him.

He left their home feeling good and craving Hux’s presence almost like the cigarettes he used to smoke in high school. His fingers twitched exactly like when he was about to pick up a pencil. The moment he saw Hux, all he could think of was the kiss. He wanted to push Hux back into the apartment and shove him against the wall. His heart knocked on his ribcage as if saying hello, demanding attention.

But Hux’s words came out of his mouth first, so he went along with it. _Something is off,_ he thought. Their elbows weren’t brushing as frequently as before, and Hux was holding his breath every time Kylo got too close. Kylo could cut the tension with a knife. He started poking his bandages again, a silly habit to show his anxiety. He wondered if he did something wrong. Did he cross some line he didn’t know? _Fuck._

The whole bus ride carried the same atmosphere and Kylo wanted to crawl out of his skin. _This is stupid_ , he kept thinking, but did nothing to stop it. What if Hux was pretending nothing happened? _Did_ he want that to happen at all? Are those feelings going to be forgotten? Kylo had a million questions dancing in his mind and he knew he’d have a headache soon.

When Hux stood up to leave, Kylo’s fingers twitched once more. He wanted to grab the ginger’s thin wrist and pull him down, demanding that their lips connect again. Wishing them to be sore, Hux’s hair to be messy like the previous night, and dare him to leave. Hux, however, was gone in a blink of an eye and Kylo felt empty. Wrong. He felt utterly _wrong._

He watched Hux’s figure blend with the rest of the people on the street, an orange dot. He had the urge to stop that bus right now and get out, but he clenched his fits to hold himself back. He’d probably just embarrass himself in front of Hux even more.

He didn’t pay attention to his classes all day. He needed to think of something to fix this. He had to. Kylo didn’t want to lose Hux, he only _just_ got him. He couldn’t afford to lose someone again. No. There was something that made him gravitate towards that man, a splash of colors painting him in an unexpected way.

Kylo mouthed quietly an _Oh shit,_ and frowned at his books like it had personally offended him. _I think I know what to do…_ , he thought. He held the idea that kissed his mind and hoped that things got better. He mentally scanned his room to make sure he had what he needed, and realized he’d have to buy some supplies first. He’d leave that for the next couple of days.

When the sun said goodbye and the moon showed its face, Kylo arrived at his door quietly. He glanced at Hux’s door. That shade of green, a neon sign screaming to him. He stood with his arm up in the air, a movement as if to knock, but he chose not to. He shook his head and went inside.

The brunet had woken up feeling like he’d have a good day. He guessed his senses must be fucked up, because he clearly didn’t. Not in the mood to talk, he just hummed his presence to Phasma and locked himself in the bedroom. The backpack made a thud when he threw it with no grace. Sketchbooks lay on the nightstand collecting dust that fell over their covers. The brushes were dry with paint and two canvas were still in their natural white color, untouched.

Kylo’s stomach growled and he remembered he had not eaten yet. Too late for that now. He turned his back to the wall, curling like a ball, and for the first time wanting a goddamn blanket to protect him from the cold. Without meaning to, he fell asleep and dreamed of unpleasant wandering hands suffocating him.

He forgot to knock on the wall.

***

Kylo forgot to knock on the wall. At least Hux had hoped it was as simple as that. As silly as it was, he waited for that knock to reassure him that everything was okay, that he hadn’t ruined anything. He still hadn’t made up his mind, not completely, but he had that same feeling as yesterday. He could see the years of his life stretching out, on and on, loveless and cold. A series of blank apartments, money accumulating in the bank. His name on a building somewhere, the only thing to mark that he had ever existed.

Hux squeezed his eyes shut and curled up under his thin blanket. He rested his fingers against the wall, where Kylo’s back would have been pressed if he was sitting up reading. His fingers absorbed the chill of the plaster, and he somehow knew Kylo wasn’t touching his side of the wall. Hux wanted to knock, to receive a sign that he was there. He had heard him walking past his door earlier. Hux had stood up to open the door, to drag Kylo inside. But then he had moved on, going to his own apartment instead.

Hux had to swallow a lump in his throat. He had ruined it. _He had ruined it before he had even made up his goddamned mind._

He shook his head. He _had_ made up his mind. He wanted Kylo in his life. This past week had been the happiest he could remember. Last night had been… exquisite. Hux couldn’t give that up. Kylo was in his system and he was beginning to withdraw, just like a pathetic junkie.

Hux spread his hand on the wall. _I want to fix this_ , he thought to the form sleeping there. _Please, let me fix this_.

At three in the morning, Hux’s phone lit up with a text. He squinted at it, feeling the buzz against his wrist. He must have fallen asleep while he had been writing, and then erasing, about twenty messages to Kylo. He had not sent any of them.

He opened the text. It was from his aunt.

_Your mom is sick. Can you come?_

Hux’s skin crawled with conflicting emotions. He really did not want to deal with this right now. Part of him wanted to go back in time and not look at the text, just to have a few more hours of uninterrupted sleep without having to think about his mother. She was frail and had been sick off and on for as long as Hux could remember. This could be just another false alarm. But if it wasn’t…

_Yes. I will leave at 6. I should be there by 9. Home or hospital?_

_Hospital. Call when you get here and I will give you the room number._

Hux didn’t sleep much after that. He tossed and turned wondering what would be waiting for him when he got there. He dreaded this. He had always been afraid of going home, of being sucked back into that cold vacuum of a huge empty house. No warmth or affection waited for him there. He was going out of duty. He was a son, and this is what he did when his mother had an episode. He gave up whatever he was doing and returned to sit uselessly nearby until she got better.

Hux got up an hour earlier than usual and packed a small overnight bag. He really hoped it would only be for tonight, that he would be headed back the next day. He glanced at the wall as he packed, knowing Kylo was asleep on the other side.

Just before he left for the train station, he pulled out his phone. Not sure what to write, he went with the simple truth.

_My mom is ill. I’m taking the train home for the day. I hope to be back tomorrow. I will miss getting coffee with you._

His thumb hovered over the send button. It didn’t seem like enough. He would miss _Kylo_ , not just getting coffee with him. He wanted to make up for yesterday if he could. If Kylo even still cared. What if he just rolled his eyes at the text, annoyed?

Hux hadn’t realized how much he had been affected when Kylo neglected to knock on the wall last night. It was barely a ritual yet, but he had looked forward to it. He felt stupidly happy when he heard the tapping by his head. Someone on the other side of that blank white wall knew he was there, cared enough to let him know he was thinking about him. How long had he waited last night? He must have fallen asleep waiting…  

He hit send.

Even if Kylo laughed at him, it was better than letting him come over to Hux's empty apartment without an explanation. That is, if he still wanted anything to do with Hux.

His heart gave a squeeze, like a metal vise had been cranked into place around the vital organ, and Hux slipped out the door, locking it behind him. He already felt cold and alone.

***

Kylo woke up with a fright, heart going crazy and singing in his ears. His throat was hurting. _Why is it hurting so bad?_ Like claws scratching inside his throat. There were heavy steps approaching his bedroom, the door was wide open and Phasma was running to him looking afraid. She was saying something but he couldn’t hear it, he couldn’t understand what was coming out of her lips. He wanted to say that to her, but there was _so_ much noise. He had his hands covering his ears, trying to stop the sound from reaching them, but failing miserably. He felt a warm, thin line marring his face.

It was only when she pulled his hands down and held his face that he realized what it was. He was _screaming_ and _crying._ He had woken up from a nightmare. That was what happened. _Oh._ There were still a few tears falling from his eyes, and Phasma pushed his hair away from his face just like Hux had.

“K, it’s alright. You’re here, we’re safe. What happened?” she said with a soft voice that anyone would find odd coming from someone like her.

He shook his head, not exactly knowing what to say. It had been a while since this had happened to him. He could feel the sweat on his body and the exhaustion coming already. He felt a headache kissing his forehead.

He swallowed dry, cringing at the soreness of his throat. “Nightmare…” was all he said. Phasma hugged him and asked if he needed anything. He again shook his head, thinking he was going to be fine and he didn’t want anyone touching him. It didn’t feel comfortable right now. She gazed at him as if not taking his bullshit, of course, but did not press the matter.

“Tell you what...” She tucked his hair behind his ear, her way to provoke another emotion in him. He hated exposing his ears, so he squinted his eyes at the touch. “Why don’t you stay home? Today is what? History of Art? Nothing you can’t study on your own...”

He rubbed his face, trying to brush the anxiety away. This always made him want to peel off his skin like old wallpaper, feeling suffocated and small. Like butter scraped over too much bread. Kylo didn’t want to argue with her. He just wanted to be left alone. He nodded and watched her leave reluctantly. Phasma had things of her own to do and Kylo didn’t want to stand in her way.

He went to the bathroom to wash his face, refusing to look at the mirror, and returned to the bed. When he glanced at the wall that separated him from Hux, he remembered he didn’t knock last night. _Goddamnit, what if he thinks I’m upset or forgot about him? I can’t do anything right._ He rushed to brush his knuckles on the cold surface but there wasn’t any reply.

The brunet thought of texting him, to tell him he won’t be able to leave today, and scanned the mess of his room searching for his cellphone. He had to get up briefly and remove the device from his coat pocket and, when he unlocked it, there was a message waiting for him already.

_My mom is ill. I’m taking the train home for the day. I hope to be back tomorrow morning. I will miss getting coffee with you._

Kylo stared at the virtual screen for what it feel like an eternity. His thumbs went up and down like the day he hit the first message to his neighbor. He wanted to ask about his mother. _I want to figure you out_ , he thought again. _Miss getting coffee with me, my ass._ He huffed, imagining how long it took Hux to send this text to him and find the right words. The two of them were ridiculous, honestly.

In the end, he put his phone down. He wasn’t going to answer right now, he needed to think. Or actually, _not_ think at all for a few hours. He needed air, his room suddenly too quiet and cold. All the chaos that covered his floor and walls didn’t mean anything right now. He left to take a shower, using Phasma’s shampoo again. He made a piece of toast and drank terrible coffee from their old machine.

He removed the guitar from the corner of his writing desk and he lay on the couch, lazily touching the strings of the instrument with his eyes closed. He continued like that through most of the day, trying to keep his mind elsewhere. At some point he just left the tv on to hear the static noise, pretending someone else was in the house so he wouldn’t be crushed by the void and memories.

He had to make his lunch since he wasn’t in the university’s cafeteria. When it was around the time he’d be leaving his class, he decided to leave the apartment for a moment, grabbing his coat and boots. The air hit his face, making a thin mask of ice, while he walked to the shop he wanted. There was an art store a few blocks away that he had a particular preference for.

The bell above the door rang and the person behind the counter sent him greetings. He nodded and went to find what he came for, holding his idea from the previous day in mind. He was lacking some color palettes and pencils. There was also a few art books he still needed to add to his collection, so he gladly put them under his arm and payed for them. He left the art store with plastic bags in hand, gravity pulling the weight of the books. He remembered, while kicking the air and dust from the pavement, that he still had to text Hux.

Kylo picked up the phone and read his last message again before typing.

_im srry bout ur mother, how r things there?_

_To be honest, not great. But not too serious. I’ll be heading back tomorrow morning._

_text me when u arrive?_

_I will. How are things going for you? How was class?_

He debated whether to tell the truth or not. He didn’t want Hux worrying more than he already was. _If_ he worries about Kylo in the first place at all. He chewed the inside of his cheeks and typed slowly.

_im gettin by. class was boring but i got some art books! so dats good! :)_

_Books are always a good thing :-)._

Kylo snorted at the text.

_who r u n wat have u done to hux. emoticons? im in shock_

_What can I say? I got carried away on a wave of emotion. Books do that to me. Sorry. Won’t happen again._

_nah, chill. its cute :)_

_:-p_

The brunet’s face showed a grin for the first time during that day. For a moment, it almost felt like things were back to normal, except they weren’t. He locked his cellphone and put it in his pocket when he got to his apartment, walking with heavy steps and leaving his footprints on the hallway carpet. Smile gone and worried again. He sighed deeply and walked past Hux’s green door, knowing it didn’t contain the presence of the porcelain doll.

***

His mother was on the second floor of the hospital, and when Hux tentatively knocked on the door, his aunt let him in. Their faces looked slightly older than he remembered, but otherwise very little had changed.

No one smiled or embraced. There were no happy shouts of greeting. There was only a chill politeness, and a crushing atmosphere of disapproval, vague and unfocused, but malevolent all the same.

“Mother,” Hux said, sitting demurely in a chair at her bedside.

“Bren,” she said, not sounding as weak as she looked. “Your hair is too long.”

“Yes, mother.”

“It looks unprofessional.”

“Yes, mother.”

The pale woman nodded, as if she had discharged her duty to her son. Hux rearranged himself in a different chair in the far corner of the room as a nurse came in to check his mother’s vitals and I.V.

“You’re doing so much better, Mrs. Hux,” the nurse chirped. “We’ll keep you on fluids for another few hours, so we won’t have you fainting again.” Hux’s mother managed a thin smile for the nurse, and then the three family members were left alone again.

“Your mother fainted at the grocery store,” his aunt said, her tone sounding offended that he hadn’t yet asked what happened. “Things are getting a bit too much for her. Especially since she lives alone.”

Hux kept quiet. This was not the first time they’d had this conversation. He knew that the best way to avoid an argument was to stay polite but distant, only replying when absolutely necessary. Even with this strategy, the campaign to guilt him into moving closer to his mother continued for most of the morning.

Finally, the nurse returned and gave the all-clear for Mrs. Hux to be discharged. His aunt drove them back to his childhood home, Bren’s stomach cramping up the closer they got to the large brick colonial.

He took his bag up to his old bedroom and set it on the bed, looking around with new eyes, freshly opened from his time spent with Kylo. The room seemed more like a guest room than a teenager’s bedroom, even though nothing had changed since he had left for college nearly six years ago.

The walls were painted a stark white. There weren’t any photos or posters. The only color in the room came from the blue bedspread and matching curtains. Hux was filled with a feeling of unreality. Had he really lived here? Was this where he had come from, this barren wasteland of a room, of a family?

He thought of Kylo’s jumbled bedroom, filled chock-full of life. Hux’s heart ached.

His phone buzzed. It was Kylo. A thrill ran through Hux’s chest. _God_ , he had missed him. It was like a bright light was suddenly streaming through the dark windows.

_im srry bout ur mother, how r things there?_

Hux texted with him for a few minutes, wishing that he had a reason to keep messaging him for the rest of the day. He knew that spending the night here was going to be utterly dismal. Hux was already dreading dinner and the inevitable string of questions and accusations: he didn’t love his mother enough, he lived too far away, he wasn’t being respectful of all his parents had done for him and given up for him, he was a disappointment to his mother but he was all she had so she had to make the best of it, why didn’t he move back in and take care of her…

Hux sent an emoticon back to Kylo and then stared at his phone, willing it to buzz again. He couldn’t go down and face his mother yet. He just couldn’t.

He gazed around his sad shell of a room again. There was nothing of himself here. Everything that made his life meaningful was found on the other side of a wall, three hours away.

Hux didn’t unpack. Instead he checked the train schedule on his phone. If he left on the next train he wouldn’t get home until after midnight. Hux didn’t care. This wasn’t his home anymore. It had never really been _home._

Hux sat on the bed and waited, vowing to never set foot in this empty, joyless house ever again.

By the time he stumbled off the elevator on his floor, Hux was utterly exhausted. He fumbled his keys in the door for a few seconds before getting it open. The door down the hall cracked a few inches. Hux’s heartbeat fluttered, but instead of Kylo’s dark head peeping out, it was a bright blonde one. Hux tried to get into his apartment before she caught him, but Phasma was too fast. In a flash, she was by his side, glancing back at her apartment and then down at Hux.

“You look terrible,” she stated, matter of factly.

“Thanks,” Hux said, his irritation briefly trumping his fear as he swayed tiredly on his feet. Phasma chewed her lip for a second, studying him.

“Okay, so this is what we’re gonna do,” she said in a whisper, glancing at her apartment again. “We are going out tomorrow night. Just you and me.”

“Um,” Hux responded. He must be more tired than he thought. Was this blonde amazon asking him out on a date? _Wait, what?_ Didn’t she know he was interested in Kylo? “I don’t know…”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Not like _that_ , you dummy,” she scoffed, seeing the panic in his eyes. “We need to talk about our bae.” Hux just stared wide-eyed. “He, um, he needs some, um… well listen, let’s just talk tomorrow. I’ll come get you at seven. Wear something non-businessy and fun, ‘kay?” She gave him a head-to-toe look and winked. Then she was gone.

Hux finally escaped into his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sparkles *sips wine*  
> Maggie *sips gin*


	6. Chapter 6

Kylo stirred himself awake and stared at the ceiling. He felt bored already. After he got back to the apartment, he had busied himself with the books and sketched until his wrist started to hurt. His eyes traveled back to his phone every now and then in a silly hope to see it buzz, announcing Hux’s message. It didn’t ring, however.

There were pieces of eraser on the floor because he kept trying to fix Hux’s eyes on the paper, and he didn’t bother to clean it up last night. He’ll never be able to draw him right. He had fallen asleep waiting for Hux, trying to catch any sound from the other side of the wall and checking his phone. Eventually, sleep overcame him.

The ceiling was the only part of the bedroom that didn’t carry a trace of his presence and he hummed, wondering if he should do something about it in the future. Perhaps constellations. A sky. Anything to not wake up to the whiteness of it.

He rolled in bed and went to check what time it was on his phone when he noticed that a) he was _really_ fucking late to class and b) Hux had sent him a text way past midnight.

_Home._

Amazing how only one word can make Kylo worry all over again. That ginger will be the death of him. He must have been tired from everything that was going on so Kylo can understand that. Since it was way past 7a.m, he guessed he just lost his opportunity to talk to him this morning and get coffee together. He cursed himself out loud and ran to catch the rest of his class.

Even though he knew Hux wouldn’t be there, he couldn’t skip his morning fuel. So he went up to Finn, ignoring his question of why they weren’t there at the same time, and unknowingly ordered Hux’s usual drink. He only realized the mistake once he had the cup in his hands. He shook his head and squinted his eyes, not wanting to overthink, and left the cafe.

The bus ride was fast and a blur. Same thing as his class. Today was a practical lesson, white canvas in front of every student. Before he realized what he was doing, he had painted a pair of green eyes on the canvas. His non-dominant hand was covered in dry paint because he had this habit of using it as a palette, and there was a pencil holding his dark hair in a messy bun.

When he got home, he was done with everything. He missed Hux. He _really_ missed him. But there was a doubt in his mind, not knowing if he was a bother or not. Hux would reach out to him if something happened, wouldn’t he? Hux hadn’t updated him on the status of his mother. He could be grieving for all he knows. Kylo really hoped that wasn’t it.

Kylo dropped his backpack next to the couch and sank his face into the cushions. He heard Phasma going back and forth. He arranged himself in a better position so he could see her and he poked the dry paint still on his hands. Green, white and orange.

“Where are you going?” He mumbled.

“Out!”

He snorted. _Well, that was expected._ “Fine. Should I wait for you or…?”

“That’s up to you.” She smiled and left. He huffed, head falling on the cushions.

He pursed his lips, missing the way Hux moved under him and his taste. He wanted to caress that copper hair again, feel his heartbeat and not let him go. Glue all his fallen parts together and kiss the cracks of his heart. Kylo was gone. He knew he was far gone over that man. He scratched the back of his head and noticed he also had some dry paint in his hair.

The green looked out of place in the middle of all that darkness.

***

Hux opened the door and was greeted enthusiastically, if somewhat alarmingly, by the tall figure of Phasma in ripped jeans and a sequinned top. She looked him over, raising one eyebrow. He had no idea what he was supposed to wear that wasn’t “businessy” but was also appropriate for going out, especially since he had no idea where they were going.

“That’s still a little overdressed for a bar,” Phasma said.

Oh. Now he had context. He turned back into his apartment quickly and slipped off his blazer, replacing it with a hoodie under a leather jacket and then came back for inspection. “Better!” she proclaimed, grabbing his arm and steering him to the elevators.

They ended up in a bar that wasn’t seedy and wasn’t classy, but still managed to have a lot of atmosphere. Hux gazed around, feeling utterly out of his element. Phasma ordered a beer for each of them, and once they had their glasses in hand, she directed him toward a relatively quiet booth.

Hux sat and sipped his beer, still staring at Phasma like she was a famished hawk and he was a particularly juicy rodent. At last she cleared her throat and fixed him with a serious gaze.

“So, the bae.” She tapped her drink. “How much do you know about his past, nugget?”

“Um,” Hux swallowed. This was terrifying. “Not much, to be honest. We, uh, haven’t quite gotten to that stage yet.”

“Stage, okay. That means you _do_ want something. Do you like him?”

Hux dropped his eyes to his drink for a moment to try and cover his blush. He stared at the bubbles forming slowly around the rim of the glass.

“A lot,” he answered, letting his eyes dart up to Phasma’s for a moment, before dropping to the table in embarrassment. Hux missed the quick smile that she gave him, her expression softening as she looked at him.

“Good, because my boy likes you too.” She drank before continuing. “Listen, I’m going to be straightforward. I’m not going to tell you every detail. This is between you and K. But I felt you needed to know that he has some issues, and they got worse in high school. Do you know about Rey?”

“His cousin?” Hux wrinkled his forehead.

“Yes, Kylo practically took care of her. Their parents weren’t exactly… lovely. He had a lot on his mind at a young age. He has trust issues. Yesterday, he had a brief episode after a heavy nightmare and I don’t know what happened. I told him to stay home. I think you help him.”

Hux thought back to their text conversation, Kylo telling him that class had been boring. But he hadn’t even gone.

“I think...” Hux began slowly, realizing he was going to have trust Phasma, even though she scared the hell out of him, “I think he was trying to protect me. He told me he had gone to class and that he was alright. And I was so preoccupied, I didn’t even question it. Though looking back… he seemed a bit, off, you know?” Hux looked up at her searchingly, hoping she understood what he was trying to express.

She hummed and nodded her head. “I do know. He’s my little brother, Hux. I think you guys should talk this through. He wasn’t feeling well. He thinks I can’t see it but I do. When things got bad, he ran away from his family and stayed with me.”

Hux just nodded, not sure what to say.

“You look like you have a lot going on too,” Phasma said, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the way he nervously toyed with his beer glass. “It will be good for both of you to just talk about all this, okay?”

Hux smiled up at her, nodding again. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Thanks.”

They finished their beers after that, making small talk, and Phasma joked around with him until Hux laughed openly, feeling more at ease.

They got back to the apartment a little after nine and she left him in the hallway, whispering goodnight and closing the door. Hux stood in the corridor for just a moment longer, disappointed that she hadn’t invited him in to see Kylo, but knowing that he really needed to get some assignments done. The loneliness closed in around him as soon as he was back in his empty apartment.

He sat in bed working on schoolwork for a few hours, trying not to text Kylo to come over. As much as he desperately wanted to see him, Hux had a midnight deadline that he had completely forgotten about in the middle of all the chaos of the week. He submitted his work with five minutes to spare and closed his laptop with a groan, covering his tired eyes.

A tap sounded from the other side of the wall. Hux’s face split into a grin and he knocked back, relief flooding through him. Kylo hadn't forgotten him.

***

Part of the heavy weight that was crushing his lungs was gone in the moment Kylo heard the knock back. He still felt sorry for forgetting that time and he might apologize properly if they ever bring it up. Their quiet greeting remained unspoken. He slept a little better that night. Especially when he heard Phasma arriving sooner than he expected. Everyone was at home and safe. He could finally sleep and figure out the rest later.

Upon the rising of the sun, he lazily started another day. It was a Saturday so he didn’t rush anything. Phasma was still asleep, tired from the previous night. He did everything quietly, walking through the hallway on his tiptoes. He drank the horrible coffee in the kitchen and came back to his bedroom to knock on the wall. When he heard the reply and was sure he was awake, he texted Hux.

_hey, how r things? i woke up late ystrdy, sry bout dat_

_Things are better now that I’m back. Yeah, I didn’t see you at the coffee house and ended up with an overpriced froo froo drink. Go figure. How are you doing?_

_i ended up with a bitter drink :P im glad! im ok, bored_

_Are you hungry? I think I have groceries… Well, I have frozen waffles and fruit, anyway. Feel like coming over for a late breakfast?_

_n leave phas wakin up n have to figure it out on her own? absolutely, be there in a min_

_Ha! Come over whenever, I’m mostly awake._

Kylo took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, making a mess. He was nervous. It felt like a really long time since he last saw Hux. He remembered their talk during the bus ride. Hux said he never thought much about music. He needed to fix that now that he had the opportunity to see him. So he quietly picked out a flash drive and chose a few songs Hux might like.

He walked out of apartment, trying to feel good about himself but finding nothing there. He glared at the door before knocking, a few smudges of paint in sight.

When Hux showed up at the door, he held his breath and buried his hands in his back pockets. He had his hair down that morning, traces of a sleepless night kissing his face, but not diminishing his beauty. The green henley suited his eyes well. Kylo thought of his painting resting in his art class, unfinished.

“H-Hi.”

“Good morning,” Hux said, seeming a bit shy. “Come in.”

Kylo nodded and stepped inside the house, the white walls screaming at him. Hux went to the kitchen and began to get their late breakfast ready. From there, he heard Hux’s faint voice asking if he wanted coffee.

“Gosh, please. I just had… something that I do not consider coffee.” He went to follow him. “Uh, I brought you this.” He left the flash drive on the counter and watched Hux glance at it, then up at him, back and forth.

“Um… music?” Hux asked, unsure.

“Yes, you need help with music. So I am helping.’’ He smiled.

He heard Hux huff softly and agree to it. Kylo connected the drive to the tv in the living room, and the music reached the apartment walls, an evidence of life. Hux was placing the waffles neatly on two plates and it looked like he wanted to put the fruit properly on top. So Kylo, feeling amused, just went behind him to steal a strawberry and basically ruin Hux’s scheme.

Hux sent him a glare and Kylo laughed. “Sorry. Here.” He placed the fruit between Hux’s lips and, instead of the latter turning just as red as the strawberry itself like Kylo was expecting, he smirked and ate it while looking at the brunet. Kylo’s ears and cheeks burned instead.

Feeling like a teenager, he pursed his lips and picked up the plate so they could sit down on the couch. There were a few inches of space between them, nothing like that night when they had shared a kiss. Kylo chewed the waffle so he didn’t say something stupid. Sigur Rós playing in the background.

“It was hard to go back home,” Hux said between bites. He took a sip of coffee and sighed. “It doesn’t really feel like home, though. Never has.”

Kylo stopped to look at him. _He’s trying to break down his walls for me. He’s going to open up to me, isn’t he?_ He kept looking softly at the man next to him, unsure. “May I ask why?” He chose to start with this. He needed to listen to him.

“It’s the atmosphere of the house.” Hux shrugged, searching for the words. “We never felt like a family. Not a real family. I thought it was normal, of course, until I was old enough to see what it was like with other kids’ parents. I had always thought that tv shows and movies about warm families were made up, that it was just part of the fantasy.” He shook his head, his brow furrowing with the effort to put his feelings into words.

Kylo’s plate and coffee lay untouched, not feeling hungry anymore. Part of him felt angry about Hux’s family, hating the way some parents could be. Hux didn’t deserve that at all. He was such an incredible person and fascinating. How could his family not notice that?

He wanted to hold Hux’s hand. “Hux,” he frowned, feeling the pain he must have felt. “I am really sorry…” He needed to open himself to Hux too. But Hux would always come first, and since when had that become the truth? He sighed deeply and, creating courage to follow his feelings, he held Hux’s hand. “I want you to talk about everything that keeps you awake at night.”

Hux gripped his hand, holding tight as he gave a small smile. “Thank you,” he murmured. “This is… not easy for me. I, um, never talk about my family. I was raised to follow in my father’s footsteps. I didn’t even chose my major. He did. He’s been dead for five years, but here I am, following the plan he laid out for my life, and I don’t even know _why_. I don’t feel the need to be some respectable business man. Hell, I have no idea _what_ I want.” Hux gestured around the room, at the empty walls. “This has always been my life. _Empty._ ” He rubbed his free hand over his face and looked at Kylo. “And now there’s you…” he added softly.

Kylo blushed a little at that. He looked around just like Hux had, the white too bright for his eyes. He caressed his thumb over Hux’s skin, feeling the softness that the walls did not carry. He was, despite everything that Hux had been through, extremely happy to have him _there._ Right there, holding his thin hand that looked too small in his large ones. He was starting to think that the fire in his previous apartment was meant to be, as dark as that sounded. He looked at him, a lump in his throat.

“You know,” he sighed, “I’m really happy to know you’ve survived all of this, in a way. You’re here. You should just follow what you feel, Hux.  And hey,” he pointed at the wall behind the couch using their linked hands. ‘’We can fix that. Nothing that paint can’t do, right?”

“You want to paint my wall?” Hux seemed to be struggling to keep up with Kylo’s train of thought.

“Wanted to since the first day, but I’m glad you’ve noticed. It’ll be fun. What do you say?”

“I guess so,” Hux looked out of his element. “I don’t have any paint or brushes or anything though.”

“Leave that to me!” He stood up, hands leaving their grasp. “You stay right there, don’t move.” He glanced down at Hux, looking a little scared. He dared himself, then, by kissing Hux’s forehead really quick before leaving the apartment.

***

Kylo was gone before Hux could truly get a handle on what he intended to do. When had their quiet morning of deep conversation turned into an art project? Hux thought about Kylo’s wide, eager eyes when he had agreed to let him paint the wall. He wondered for a minute if this was the sort of thing Kylo would have done to cheer up his little cousin, Rey, when she was sad or upset.

The impossibly beautiful artist was back soon with an armload of supplies. He looked at the walls for a bit, choosing the best place to begin. Then he set down his armload and unfurled a roll of brushes. He set out a few palettes and sorted out the tubes of acrylic paint into color groups. Hux stood by his side, fascinated to see what he was doing.

“What are you going to paint?” Hux asked, kneeling down to touch a few of the colors.

“I have been thinking a lot about stars lately. How about a night sky? Lots of clouds and stars.”

“That sounds really beautiful,” Hux responded, looking at the blank wall and trying to imagine the finished result. “I was thinking you were just going to doodle or something.” He smiled at Kylo who rolled his eyes. “But won’t it take, like, days to finish?”

Kylo turned and looked at him for a long moment, appraising. His eyes searched over Hux’s slim frame as if devouring every shape with his dark gaze.

“Well, we could do one thing now… I could show you what it’ll look like. I could paint your back.”

Hux just stared at him again. His lips parted a bit, but he still could not think of anything to say. Finally he settled for repeating Kylo’s words. “My… back?”

Kylo smiled at him. “Yes, Hux. _Your_ back. I’d snap a picture, of course.”

“You mean, like actually use paint on me? For real? Is that something people do?”

“Uh, actually, yes. There’s quite a lot of people that work like that. But… you don’t have to agree if you don’t want to, Hux. It’s okay.”

Hux wrinkled up his forehead, still at a loss, but also intrigued. Having an artist around was proving a lot more unpredictable than he thought.

“No, it sounds really interesting. It’s just, well, you are the only artist I know, so some of this stuff is over my head.” He laughed a little nervously, tucking his hair behind his ears. “So, what do I have to do?”

The boy blushed when he heard Hux’s words and mumbled a little. “Uh, you… you’ll need to take your shirt off and lie down somewhere.”

Hux could feel the heat of the flush as it spread over his face and neck. He took a deep breath and told himself to calm down. He decided he would just try and act like this was a normal Saturday for him.

“Okay,” he said, glancing around. “Well, it’s a little dark in here… bedroom?” Kylo looked at him for a moment, and Hux swore his heart actually stuttered, but he tried to keep it together on the outside at least. “What do you want me to carry? Brushes?”

“Y-Yeah, sure.”

Hux scooped up the roll of brushes and walked towards his bedroom, a feeling of unreality settling over him. He heard Kylo following down the hall and a shiver ran up his spine. They reached the bedroom, and Hux pulled open all the shades, letting the late morning sun illuminate the entire space. _It really is the perfect light_ , Hux thought. At least he felt justified for suggesting the bedroom.

He pulled a spare sheet out of his closet and spread it over the blankets and pillow on the bed to protect them from the paint. Then, before he could think about it too closely, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off over his head. He folded it and set it on the dresser, all the while trying not to look at Kylo. He stretched out on his stomach on the bed, grabbing his hair and pulling it over one shoulder out of the way.

Only then did he glance up at Kylo’s face. He was stopped in the middle of the room, just holding the tubes of paint.

“Kylo?” Hux asked, and Kylo’s eyes moved from where they had been trailing over his naked back to his face. “Kylo?” he said again when he still didn’t move.

“Sorry, yes! Painting. Okay, uh.” Kylo moved forward at last, and pulled the chair up to the bed. “This is probably going to feel a little bit weird,” he said, opening several tubes of paint and beginning to arrange fat blobs around the side of a palette. He selected a large soft-looking brush and mixed a few of the colors together, and then leaned forward and began to paint.

Hux jumped at the initial contact because the paint was surprisingly cold, and the sensation of the wet bristles trailing over his sensitive skin was so foreign. After a few minutes, he began to get used to the soft touches of the paintbrush as Kylo laid down a dark blue color in what felt like a rectangle on the canvas of his back.

It was oddly soothing, and he finally relaxed, melting into a puddle on the mattress. Hux could still hear the music playing in the other room, and he smiled drowsily.

“Kylo?” he asked, his voice sounding sleepy as his cheek pressed into his arm where he had it curled under his head.

“Hmm?” Kylo responded, mixing more colors.

“You don’t have to tell me, but I was wondering if your family was anything like mine. Whether they made you feel lonely too. You seem to understand what I’m going through.”

“They weren’t very present…” Kylo said after a moment of silence, and the brush stopped against his skin. “I… I had this teacher… He used to praise me way too much and… linger too much over me. My family didn’t believe me, and my mother said art wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I think that can give you a picture of how it was.”

Hux tried not to tense up, but the thought of Kylo being treated like that made his blood boil. He wanted to find that teacher, wherever he was, and cut his balls off. He wanted to shake Kylo’s mother and tell her to trust her son.

Hux let his eyes dart up at Kylo through his hair, and saw that he seemed to be doing okay. His mouth was in a straight line, but he looked fairly calm as the brush began to trail over his back again in long, smooth strokes.

“I used to take care of Rey too, but… basically one day I bursted in rage. Tired of it all, not being able to do or say what I wanted. So… I wasn’t thinking when I pushed Rey.” He took a deep breath. “The coffee table was made of glass, so they had to take her to the hospital. Some stitches. They didn’t let me go with them. So I panicked, packed up some of my stuff, and I have been with Phasma ever since…”

Hux nodded against his arm and let an oddly comfortable silence form between them, the music echoing softly down the hall.

“Thanks for telling me that,” Hux said earnestly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sparkles: *ZERO CHILL*


	7. Chapter 7

Kylo was already thinking that it was a horrible idea the moment he said Hux should take his shirt off. It got worse when Hux suggested the _bedroom_. He was seriously concerned over his heart, he was too young to have an attack. Phasma would kill him. Kylo forced himself to stay calm, telling himself that everything was going to be okay. _Just a way to spend a Saturday. That’s all._

He heard the fabric making a soft noise when Hux pulled the green henley up. When he looked at him, he gripped the paints in his hands harder. _This is going to be very difficult_ , he thought. Hux was absolutely beautiful. He lay in bed and pulled his hair away so Kylo could create _art_ on his back. For Kylo, _that_ was trust.

He had freckles spread all over his body, kissing his white skin. A living canvas that Kylo would have the honor to color. Thousands of emotions crossed his heart and for a moment he couldn’t breathe, he just stood there staring like an idiot holding the damn tubes. For the first time not knowing what to do with his hands. It was too much.

Hux was bringing a lot of _“for the first time”_ experiences into his life.

The ginger’s voice grounded him then. He shook his head and proceeded. He was going to do what he did best. He picked up the chair, sat down, and began to paint over Hux’s back. He had started with the dark blue sky when Hux had mentioned his family. The small man had torn down his walls for Kylo and now it was his turn.

He mentioned Snoke, his teacher. Only Phasma, and now Hux, knew about this. The little Rey and his mother. He saw himself and Hux eventually talking more about these things in a possible future. He also planned to have patience when Hux needed space and time to think. It felt normal all over again. A soothing pace settled between them, the sound of the brush touching Hux’s skin and the faint music were the background noise in the apartment. He smiled, happy to feel the life they created there.

Hux seemed completely relaxed after a while, head resting over crossed arms. The tension was gone. Kylo was breathing, he felt at peace. Painting always made him calm, it helped him to cope in difficult times. He went elsewhere. The switch of the real world being turned off. It was easier to feel that with Hux too. He felt like he had known him since forever and wondered why they hadn’t spoken sooner.

The sun gleamed on Hux, making his skin look golden. He almost felt sorry to cover all those delicate freckles. When he chose to work with another color, he began to find a certain difficulty shading in the right way. He stopped for a second, brush hovering in the air. He knew what he had to do to continue, but it would be utterly embarrassing to ask.

“Uh, Hux?”

“Hmmm?” came the somewhat drowsy reply.

Kylo grinned at the sleepiness of Hux’s voice. “I think I’ll have to move onto your back… I can’t paint right from here. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever works,” Hux answered with his eyes closed.

The brunet smiled bigger. Hux was clearly distracted and too comfortable right now. That made him feel better because Hux needed that. They _both_ needed that. He made a movement to get in bed without crushing the ginger man and he sat slowly at the end of Hux’s back, leaving enough space to paint as he wanted. Kylo hoped his weight wasn’t a bother.

A few strings of Kylo's hair kept falling in his eyes, so he again used a paintbrush to tie it up in a bun. He could see more details of Hux from up there. Hux also had a few of his hairs brushing his neck because he kept resting his cheek left and then right. Kylo's hand extended in the air, and he hesitantly raised it to Hux’s neck to brush the hair away. He didn’t want to get paint in that copper hair. Hux shivered under him.

Kylo swallowed and stared back at his work, deciding it was better to focus on that. He took his time getting the perfect shade for the clouds and the shine in the stars. The moon was painted on Hux’s left shoulder. A few hours had passed and neither of them moved from their places. Like they belonged there, pieces of a puzzle.

The brunet brushed his forehead with the back of his hand and stretched his back a little. He picked up his cellphone, unlocked the screen and opened the camera. For a moment he admired alone what he had created on Hux’s back. The breathing canvas soothing under him.

He snapped a few pictures, not quite paying attention. Just enough to see they weren’t blurred. He’d much rather be looking at the piece in front of him, his body going up and down with his breathing. Kylo put his phone and brushes on the chair, and he tucked some of his escaped hair away from his face, wanting to see Hux better.

His right hand slowly began to make light traces on his back. The paint wasn’t completely dry yet, but it wouldn’t smudge with a touch like that. His fingers started below and moved between Hux’s shoulder blades, smiling a little at the man’s shivers, as if he was waking up. The silky skin made the hair on the back of Kylo’s neck stand up and his fingers tingle.

He leaned forward. Upper body not touching Hux’s back, just enough to reach his neck. He gently pushed some of the copper hair away again, Hux’s white neck shining brighter than the moon. Kylo could see half of his face and Hux tilted his head a little towards him, eyes closed and mouth ajar. Exposing himself to Kylo in a beautiful manner.

Kylo breathed on Hux’s neck, wanting to tease. He brushed his lips against the skin, just feeling it, until Hux huffed in annoyance. Kylo held his neck when he kissed it then, finally touching Hux the way he always wanted. He gave butterflies kisses before going to that spot behind Hux’s ear, where the pulse was stronger. He flickered his tongue against the skin and smiled when Hux let out a moan, head going down. He sucked at the skin, bringing blood to the surface and marked his breathing canvas.

Hux was fidgeting under him, as if wanting to break free and move into a better position. Hux couldn’t touch him like this and Kylo grinned. He kept attacking his neck down to his shoulders, leaving red marks like a constellation that would fade to a gorgeous purple. Hux was pulling at the sheet, breathing fast and heavy. Kylo moved his body a little lower and closer to Hux’s back so he could rub against him. Painting long forgotten.

Kylo bit his ear and heard Hux curse in a low voice, the sheet moved. Hux was turning around too fast and Kylo didn’t stop him. He finally was looking at Hux, a few inches of distance between their lips. The atmosphere carried their heavy pants. Kylo held Hux’s face just like the night of that first kiss, taking it all in. His green eyes barely showing through a mist of lust.

He wouldn’t be able to tell who leaned in first, just that they kissed and the air was kicked out of his lungs. He felt Hux’s wet lips against him and it seemed like an eternity had passed since he felt the taste of them. They were absolutely addicting. Kylo, for a brief coherent moment, thought he’d never get tired of kissing this man. He moaned when their tongues met. Hux opened his mouth to Kylo and he pushed his hips forward again.

Hux arched his back when he thrust in the perfect position. They were both hard, pants getting too tight. Hux moaned loud in Kylo’s mouth when he thrusted harder, their chests resting against each other. The brunet’s heart was ringing, exhilaration crashing down. Hux grabbed Kylo’s hair, took the paintbrush that was holding the bun, and threw it across the room.

They tilted their heads to deepen the kiss, the sound of their lips and breathing filled the room. Kylo pulled away to take off his own shirt. He traced a map of wet kisses down Hux’s chest, loving the way the angel’s voice felt under him. He wanted to break Hux apart and pull him back together.

“Please, tell me you won’t push me away this time…” He mouthed under Hux’s navel.

The latter shook his head and swallowed. “No… Never again.”

“Good.”

He pushed Hux’s pants down along with his briefs, the only pieces of clothing he was wearing at this point. Hux raised his hips from the bed so Kylo could remove them completely, and Kylo threw them on the floor. He held Hux’s hard member in his hand and started stroking him up and down. The ginger man threw his head back groaning when Kylo’s mouth sucked at the base of his head and swallowed his length. Hux tasted salty and Kylo hummed in delight, receiving a cry from the latter.

His cheeks hollowed out from the pressure he was creating, wanting to make Hux feel good. Hux made a move to thrust into Kylo’s mouth, but he held his hips down. Hux whined and his hands went to Kylo’s hair again, pulling at it. Kylo moaned and started bobbing up and down. He heard Hux choke out a sob.

“Kylo…” came the hoarse voice. He had to stop, otherwise Hux would come. He didn’t want that right now, so he gave a last suck and a flicker of his tongue. A pop noise touched his ears when his mouth left Hux’s cock.

He wondered how he must have looked when he said “Tell me you’ve got lube somewhere,” because Hux stared at him for a few seconds with his mouth open. Eyes glassy, blind from desire.

“Um, bathroom… Under the… Under the sink,” he struggled to say the words, and Kylo rushed to get it, not wanting to leave Hux alone for too long. He avoided looking himself in the mirror, knowing full well he must be flushed all over.

Hux’s fingers were brushing at the wall when he got back to the bed, and he went to take off the rest of his own clothes. Hux stopped Kylo’s hands from unbuttoning his pants and did it himself while gazing at the brunet. He felt the silky skin come into contact with his own member and Kylo sighed in pleasure, closing his eyes. He stopped him when he was fully hard and the boxer briefs were gone.

He kissed Hux again, full of passion. His bottom lip was sucked and bitten by Hux while he opened the lid and covered his fingers with lube. Kylo touched his entrance and saw Hux stop for a brief second before nodding, giving him permission. So he gently got one finger inside of him first, warming up and doing his best to be patient and not straight up fuck Hux _senseless_. He took deep breaths and kept track of Hux’s expression.

His brows frowned a little at the intrusion. But then Kylo inserted another finger, making in and out and scissoring movements. Hux moaned loud in the room when Kylo began to move faster, the ginger pushing himself onto Kylo's fingers. Kylo swallowed, not believing he had such a beautiful masterpiece in his hands right now.

When he got to the third finger, Hux was babbling. “Kylo, I need you. I… I need you now…”

He grunted, a bird in his ribcage flapping its wings to try to break free. He removed his fingers and Hux turned on his stomach, exposing his ass when he picked a pillow to place under his belly. Kylo touched his hips and looked at the whole sight. The painting was still there but not as perfect as before. A night of stars blurred with the clouds.

He pressed the tip of his head to Hux’s pink hole and rested his forehead between his shoulder blades. He used all his strength to be gentle, not wanting to hurt Hux. The more he got inside, the more difficult it got to go slow. He was tight and hot, Kylo’s cock pulsing with want.

They both gasped when he went all the way in with a particular thrust and they didn’t move for a few seconds. Kylo was rubbing his forehead against Hux’s skin trying to remain in control, but then the porcelain doll let out wet words from his throat.

“Move.”

Kylo panted, pulled back and thrust again. Another gasp. This was too much. He felt _too_ much. It was Hux everywhere. He began thrusting at a strong pace, holding the thin hips while their skin made soft noises in the air. Sweat was dripping down their bodies and his hair was stuck to his throat. He touched Hux’s neck to push his head up and bite down. Hux moaned a _“Fuck.”_

They were getting close, Kylo’s thrusts were becoming deeper and deeper. He needed to see Hux. He needed to see his expression when he found release, so he forced himself to stop and pull back to turn Hux face to face. He was a lovely mess, his hair was everywhere. When he got inside of him again, he grunted and the thrusts became erratic. Hux was sobbing and embraced his back, scratching his skin. The sheet was crumpled and had trails of the dark paint in it.

They were both whispering each other’s names between sloppy kisses until Kylo couldn’t hold back anymore. The heat under his stomach was driving him crazy. His mouth fell open in a quiet scream when he came inside Hux. One of Hux’s hands had fallen over his head, so Kylo locked their fingers. Hux came soon after with a cry, brows knit due to the intensity of the pleasure, and Kylo could feel his walls pulsing around his cock in shocking waves that made his fingers and toes curl. He kept thrusting slowly into the now sensitive entrance until both of their orgasms ceased.

Kylo’s arms were trembling and he blinked a few times to see better. Hux had this beautiful afterglow face and a smile directed at him. He smiled back, still recovering his breath. Hux held his face tenderly and Kylo didn’t think when he said:

“I’m in love with you,” his voice in a soft quiet tone. “I don’t care if it hasn’t been that long since we’ve known each other… All I know is that I am madly in _love_ with you, Hux.”

***

Hux had been nearly asleep when Kylo asked if he could change his position while painting his back. He hadn’t really paid attention to what he had said, he was too content with drifting in and out of a half sleep in the hazy sunshine, Kylo breathing softly, the feeling of the paint being layered on his skin with soft brushes...

It was only after the bed shifted and there was a sudden weight settling over him that he realized what Kylo had actually asked him. He still would have given his consent, but he was somewhat unprepared for the hot rush that erupted in his stomach as he felt Kylo’s long legs bend at his sides, caging in his slim body. Kylo didn’t let his full weight rest on him, but it was enough to get the sense of that powerful body bending over him.

Kylo shifted every once in awhile to grab new colors and brushes from the chair next to the bed, and Hux felt his thighs shift around his hips. He turned his head from one side to the other, trying not to move under the artist, trying not to breathe too deeply, imagining the dark-haired man leaning over him, all of Kylo’s focus directed at what he was creating on Hux’s skin.

When Kylo brushed his hair off his back, and his broad fingers caressed his neck for a moment, he couldn’t help but give a shiver, the feeling jolting down his spine. _Yes, do that again,_ he thought. But the brush started moving over his skin again and Hux submitted to the sweet torture of having the person he desired curled over him, so close, yet not being allowed to touch him.

Hux was concentrating so hard on not giving away his thoughts, that he almost missed the moment Kylo finished the painting and snapped some pictures of his naked back covered in stars. The phone was set back down on the chair, and Hux braced himself to lose all of that delicious heat and weight from his lower back and hips. It already felt so right, Kylo touching him, molding into him.

He was thinking so hard about not showing the disappointment on his face when he was released, that Kylo’s fingers tracing past his shoulder blades, trailing bits of damp paint, made him freeze and hold his breath. _Yes, please touch me_ , he wanted to say. He bit his tongue and waited.

Kylo pushed his hair away from his neck again. _God_ , he loved that feeling. He turned his head a little, angling his body slightly under Kylo’s bulk so he could see him out of the corner of his eye. He vaguely realized that he was letting his mouth gape open, waiting for Kylo to either move closer or pull away. Instead, he lightly blew on his neck and Hux huffed in frustration, completely pinned and at Kylo’s mercy.

Finally, those lips brushed his neck. _Yes. This_. His mouth found Hux’s pulse point, and Hux couldn’t hold back any more. He moaned at the sensation that shot through his body, setting off nerve endings all the way to the soles of his feet.

He struggled, trying to turn over. He wanted to touch Kylo so badly, to look up into those dark eyes and be consumed by them. But Kylo had different ideas, sucking marks onto his neck and shoulders while Hux shamelessly moaned at the treatment, unable to do anything about it but feel that mouth marking him over and over.

Kylo stretched above him and Hux felt the press of his belly and chest against his mostly dry back. Then he nipped at his ear and Hux moaned. He felt Kylo shift slightly, and at last he was able to flip himself over. He gave a quick thought for the painting, but Kylo had rubbed against it already, so Hux didn’t feel too guilty about lying on it. He just had to see Kylo. Had to be able to touch him.

They were kissing.  _I missed you,_ Hux thought. It was just as good as the first night. Better, because Hux had no second thoughts this time. All he could think was _Kylo Kylo Kylo_.

Kylo rolled his hips against him and Hux arched his back and met his next thrust, letting their lengths rub together, his breath catching in astonishment, his eyes droping closed for a moment. He was seized with a desire to sink his hands into Kylo’s thick hair while they rutted against one another. He reached up, and finding the paintbrush Kylo had used to hold the strands back off his face, he slipped it out and flung it across the room, feeling the heavy weight if all those curls dropping around their faces. He inhaled the scent, _flowers_ , and smiled against Kylo’s lips, pulling on the silky tresses with his fingers.

They kissed deep and long and then Kylo was pulling his shirt off. Hux could feel his eyes widen as they searched the broad chest, the perfectly sculpted shoulders and torso. His fingers reached up to trace the freckles and moles on his skin. _So beautiful._

Kylo was back on top of him, worshiping him with his mouth, working carefully down his body. Hux tried not to think about how scrawny he was in comparison to the perfect creature he had bending over him, and instead gave in to the feelings that mouth was creating as it slipped and licked over him. Kylo paused at his navel, his long hair tickling him.

He asked if Hux was going to push him away again.

“No,” he gasped, knowing it with all his heart. “Never again.”

With that, Kylo stripped him. Hux was naked. It felt amazing, frightening.

Then Kylo was engulfing his cock with _that mouth_ , and Hux was lost. His head thrown back, he moaned and moaned, Kylo working him so completely that within a matter of minutes he could feel the heat beginning to coil and build low in the pit of his groin.

“Kylo,” he moaned. He had to stop him. He was not going to last. It was amazing, that tongue, the suction. The heat disappeared, Kylo was sitting up. Hux propped himself on his elbows, staring. Kylo had asked him something. _Oh, right, lube._ He had actually picked some up at the drugstore a few days ago, in an extremely optimistic moment, hoping against hope that something exactly like this would happen.

He felt cold when Kylo left to get the bottle from the bathroom. He was sweating from the intensity of having Kylo's mouth around him and, without his presence, he suddenly felt a chill. He brushed the wall by his head with the tips of his fingers, thinking about how long he had lain in this bed, never knowing his heart was on the other side.

Kylo was back, stripping on his way to the bed. Hux took Kylo’s hands and pushed them aside, wanting to do it himself. He unzipped him slowly, and then worked quickly to divest Kylo of the rest of his clothing, slipping his jeans and boxer briefs down to his ankles where he stood by the bed. Hux looked up at Kylo's face before turning his attention to his naked cock. He gave a hungry noise in his throat at the sight of him. Hux reached out and touched the smooth flesh lightly, just feeling the heat and the shape of him. Kylo stepped out of the clothes pooled at his feet and crawled over Hux.

Their bare skin whispered softly together as the larger man moved over him, pulling him into a hungry kiss. Hux sucked on Kylo’s full bottom lip, loving the plump flesh in his mouth, the texture of the slightly chapped skin. _Perfect, perfect._

Hux heard the snap of the lube cap and shivered. Kylo was coating his fingers and, and, _oh god this was really happening_. Kylo looked at him for permission and Hux was embarrassed by just how vehemently he nodded.

The first finger felt strange, not really good or bad. A bit uncomfortable and foreign. Kylo began working it slowly and Hux started to relax. Then it started feeling good. Really, really good. Kylo added another finger and started stretching him before groping inside, searching his walls, twisting slowly. Kylo started stroking up inside him with two long fingers, as if searching for -- _oh god, yes_. Hux started bucking down uncontrollably on those fingers, nothing existing but that blinding point of light inside his body that Kylo was kindling, setting his whole body on fire. Another finger slipped inside. His head tossed from side to side as he moaned in a pleasure-filled delirium.

"Kylo, I need you. I… I need you now…"

The fingers left him and he turned over hurriedly, not sure if he had rolled over or if Kylo had turned him. A pillow was slipped under his stomach and then Kylo was pushing in, sliding slowly until they were thigh to thigh.

Hux adjusted to the stretch quickly, immediately craving more. The feeling of being connected… it was blinding.

“Move,” he gasped, and Kylo started to thrust slowly back and forth, rocking into him. Hux lay prone on the bed, not lifting himself yet, just feeling the overwhelming power of the man above him, taking him completely. His thrusts were strong now and he was gripping Hux by his slim hips, resting his weight on one elbow as his smooth chest and stomach brushed over Hux’s painted back. The artist becoming one with his creation. Hux moaned.

Kylo brushed his hair again and he swore at the feeling that rushed down his back at the gentle caress. _Close. So close_. His nearly boneless body was suddenly being turned as Kylo withdrew. Hux whimpered, but then Kylo was back, sliding into him again.

He could see Kylo’s face, his flushed and sweaty skin, the way a beam of sunlight illuminated his shoulders and dark tangle of hair. Hux knew in that moment. He knew what Kylo meant to him, would mean to him.

“Kylo,” he breathed. Then, “Kylo, Kylo, Kylo…” over and over as he heard his own name murmured between passionate open-mouthed kisses and licks.

Hux felt it coiling deep in his body. The unbearable heat working quickly towards release. He sensed it in Kylo as well as he grew less coordinated but more powerful in his thrusts. Hux threw one hand over his head to seek something to hold onto, and then Kylo’s hand was there in his, grounding him, keeping him from drifting away in the sea of coiling fire.

Kylo went over the edge first and Hux followed him quickly. Hux clenched down on the hard length within him as Kylo thrust until both of them were completely spent, shivering in the aftershocks of their orgasms.

The man above him didn’t pull away and Hux was grateful, savoring the feeling of being filled, of the careful weight Kylo was allowing to press down on him. He reached up and caressed the beautiful face, holding it and looking into the depths of those warm eyes, the ones that contained the universe.

"I’m in love with you." Kylo looked almost surprised as he said the words, like he had not meant to voice them out loud. "I don’t care if it hasn’t been that long since we’ve known each other… All I know is that I am madly in _love_ with you, Hux."

Hux's vision suddenly swam and he blinked so he could see his Kylo clearly again. No one had ever told him that they loved him before. Not one person in his entire life. And this felt real. It felt right.

“Kylo,” he breathed, brushing the dark tangle back from his face. “I feel the same. I don’t know why it happened so fast... but I love you. I think I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.”

***

Kylo brushed some of Hux’s hair away from his forehead. He couldn’t describe with enough words what he was feeling right now. It was _too_ many emotions embracing his heart and he’d gladly suffocate in those if it meant loving Hux. The words coming from the ginger’s lips sang like bells to his ears. He grinned, ignoring the slight burn in his eyes that belonged to tears. Someone loved him.

 _Hux_ loved him.

With all his flaws and cracks in his heart, he was being accepted and welcomed by this beautiful angel below him. He leaned to lightly brush their lips together. Not quite a kiss, a soft imprint to feel their breaths blending into one. He sighed, feeling for the first time in his life completely at ease, calm, whole.

Kylo pulled back from Hux’s body slowly and he caressed Hux’s cheeks, loving the way the other was smiling. Green eyes curving, glowing as if stars were living in there. Stars. "Oh... The painting…" He snorted and went to pick up his cellphone, opening to the photos he thankfully had taken to show Hux. The brunet handed the device to him and saw Hux’s eyebrows go up.

"Kylo," he breathed. "This is beautiful. I can’t believe you did this on my back…"

Kylo blushed, hearing the wonder in Hux’s voice. "I’m just glad I took pics of it because I just fucked it up."

Hux’s shoulders went up again and he made a scrunchy face, laughter filling the air in the apartment. He put his hand over his eyes, shaking with joy and Kylo followed him too. Oh well, what can they do about it? Kylo thought it’d be alright nonetheless, because that was evidence of a perfect moment in their lives.

When their laughter came to a stop, Kylo kissed him again and again. _I'll never get tired of this,_  Kylo thought.But for as much as he’d like to stay there forever, he could feel their come sticking to their bodies in an unpleasant way. He groaned, not exactly wanting to move.

“We need a shower.”

“Please.”

They shifted to get up, Kylo held Hux by the hand. He wasn’t going to let him go. They went to the bathroom and Hux stepped inside the bathtub. Kylo’s legs felt a little unstable due the adrenaline so he walked carefully, not wanting to mess this up. The warm water hit his neck first and he leaned back so his head could get under the shower. He pulled Hux closer to him so they both could share and hugged him, loving his scent. Loving how he felt around him. Loving Hux.

A galaxy full of stars would be nothing compared to what Hux was to him. His copper hair looking darker due to the shower, drops of water dripping down his body. They made a map over his skin that only Kylo would know how it truly felt and tasted. Their touches as they cleaned one another were intimate in a way Kylo had never experienced before. Kylo used a bath sponge to remove the paint from Hux’s back and watched how the colors blended down the bathtub. Hux’s freckles showing once more.

Everything looked perfectly normal, as it was always meant to be. Kylo’s stomach growled and Hux huffed at that. “We should make some food. I guess we skipped lunch, huh?”

The brunet squinted his eyes. He wanted to sleep, his eyelids were heavy, but his stomach was not helping the situation at all. So he nodded and they dried themselves slowly. Kylo decided to just stay shirtless and put on his boxer briefs. Hux grabbed Kylo’s shirt and for a second, the ginger looked a little surprised at himself. His shirt said _“Straight Out Of Space”_ and it looked too big on the small man. Kylo thought how ridiculously endearing that was.

Hux took him back to the small kitchen and looked around, tapping his foot against the wooden floor. He opened the fridge and started taking some ingredients out of it. “Uh, I’ve got salad.”

Kylo shook his head. “What?”

“I could make some pasta… I know I have it somewhere.” He stood on tiptoe while opening a cupboard, the shirt going up a little bit and revealing his cute butt. Kylo wanted to go over there and never let him go, but he just held a laugh and waited. Hux showed the pasta in his hands and pulled his damp hair away from his eyes. “I’m vegetarian.”

Kylo made a comic expression. “Hold on, I think I’m having second thoughts about you.”

He laughed when Hux punched his chest and went to help cook the pasta. But honestly, he mostly just stayed behind Hux hugging him. Chin resting on the ginger’s shoulder, completely ignoring Hux’s complaints about how useless Kylo was being.

“Sorry, you are too distracting.” He kissed Hux’s neck and hummed in satisfaction when the latter shivered. “See? Distracting.”

“Shush you.”

They ate quietly after that. Kylo leaning against the counter and Hux between his legs, facing him. He glared at the salad Hux was holding and the latter just kept rolling his eyes. He tried making Kylo eat some but he refused.

“Don’t be a child.” He picked up a slice of cherry tomato. “It’s sweet.”

The brunet huffed and ate the goddamn tomato. He chewed, making an ugly face. “Not as sweet as you though.”

Kylo would live to make Hux blush. He loved seeing those freckles glow even brighter and the red showing on his face. _Yes, very nice. Totally worth it._

Hux pulled Kylo by the wrist once they were finished, taking him to the bedroom again. His feet making soft noises against the floor. Hux scratched the back of his hair where it was beginning to dry after the shower. He removed the old sheet from the bed, a mess of paint and previous events. They changed quickly to a fresh one, not bothering to clean everything up because sleep was knocking in their minds already. Hux didn’t ask for him to sleep there nor did Kylo mention it. It was an unspoken truth.

Hux rested his back against the wall, leaving space for Kylo to get in. The bed creaked, feeling a new weight that would soon become common. He sighed when his head rested on the soft pillow and he gazed at Hux. Hux stared back. There was that sensation again, like a bird flapping its wings inside Kylo’s chest.

And looking into those beautiful green eyes, he thought: _I want to wake up next to you every day of my life._

He kissed Hux, slow but passionately, memorizing the feeling and taste of their lips singing together. He thought about the art he would create inspired by moments like this, inspired by love. Inspired by _Hux_. Kylo thought of Rey and how he wishes her well, that maybe one day he’ll be forgiven. He thought about Phasma and how glad she’ll be once she sees he had found himself, that he was not a mere void anymore. Not an echo with no one to hear him.

For now, he would admire the new colors on Hux’s canvas. They held each other in a warm embrace, eyelids heavy in protest of sleep. He could listen to Hux’s breathing, a beautiful sound. Kylo kissed his forehead and murmured before closing his eyes:

“I love you, Hux.”

“I love you too, Kylo.”

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello our loves! We are both repenting in dust and ashes that it took us so long to write the last chapter. Thank you for hanging in there with us and the boys. 
> 
> This is more or less the epilogue, but it only jumps about a month in time. There is a bit of angst as the boys resolve some stuff, but honestly there is also a lot of fluff. Because apparently, Sparkles and I write angst apart, and fluff when we are together. True love.

Hux listened to the sound of the last box being scraped across the floor against the wall to join the small mountain of Kylo’s possessions. They had been moving all morning and Hux was glad all over again that he lived right next door.

Kylo had collected a lot of stuff over the years. Hux didn’t know what half the boxes and garbage bags even contained. There were also armloads of clothes and books and papers just strewn over the bed and couch that Kylo hadn’t bothered putting in a container.

Hux sighed and shoved the sleeves of his shirt up over his elbows. He supposed it would all fit somehow. He had complained about his apartment being lifeless after all. _Well,_ he thought, looking around at the canvases and piles of t-shirts, _it’s certainly not lifeless now._

He took a quick look at Kylo, trying not to be obvious. Kylo’s pale face was flushed from doing most of the heavy lifting. Hux was worried about him but trying not to show it. He had felt the other’s anxiety over the last few days.

Hux told Kylo that it was alright, that they didn’t have to rush, that he could stay with Phasma longer if he wanted, but it had just seemed to make Kylo’s anxiety worse. So he stopped saying it and just moved furniture out of the way so they had a place to set all the boxes.

Phasma chose that moment to pick a fight with her former roommate, squabbling with Kylo over a pile of video games. Hux guessed she was trying to ease the tension. Or maybe Kylo had actually stolen them from her. Both possibilities seemed likely.

“This is mine, dude!” Phasma howled, snatching a case from a box and holding it over her head, even out of Kylo’s long reach.

“Nu-uh, I totally bought that one. Besides, you suck at it!” Kylo exclaimed, making a jump for the case, Phasma easily blocking him with an elbow. They rough-housed in the corner, toppling precariously placed boxes.

“You live _right next door,_ ” Hux complained. “You can _share_.” They were too busy screeching and playing keep-away to listen to reason. Hux went back to emptying the boxes in the kitchen, scowling at the few items of “food” Kylo had brought with him.

Hux couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Kylo was moving in with him, officially. Hux pretended to be absorbed in the unpacking and organizing, though part of him would rather be fooling around with the two giants in the living room rather than being the responsible one. Stress made him more than a little OCD.

They had been sleeping in Hux’s bed ever since the night Kylo had painted the sky across Hux’s shoulder blades. There was barely room, but they made it work. Their long legs all tangled together, breathing in each other’s faces.

The wall in the living room was half painted. It was taking shape and beginning to look like a finished piece of art. Hux loved being surrounded by so much color. He also loved a half-naked Kylo covered in paint stretching up to reach the clouds with his paintbrush. He was less crazy about getting his fingers tangled in paint-encrusted strands of hair, but that’s the price one paid for love, right?

“This is NOT food,” Hux complained, waving around a can of beef ravioli.

Kylo stumbled into the kitchen sans video game. He eyed the can.

“Mmm,” he said. “Lunch.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “Ew, Kylo. Phasma, are you staying for lunch?” Hux called into the other room, where she was still going through all of Kylo’s boxes looking for stuff she claimed was hers.

“Um, depends, nugget. What are you making?”

“I have salad-”

“No thanks, chipmunk. I’ll go to the corner pub for a burger. Kylo?”

“I have ravioli. I’m set.”

“Okay, you idiots. I’ll be back in an hour.” She gave Kylo a fierce look. “And _you_ , don’t hide any of my stuff while I’m gone.” She winked at Hux and was gone. She missed Kylo sticking his tongue out at her retreating back.

He turned to Hux and smiled. Then he rummaged through Phasma’s stack of stuff she had rescued from his boxes. Hux eyed him critically.

“You’re going to take that Batman game, aren’t you?” Hux asked slowly. Kylo’s face split into a mischievous grin.

“Yep.”

Hux strolled over, still holding a bag of lettuce. “Well, snag the Zelda for me, too, alright?” Kylo tackled him, and they weren’t even done making lunch for themselves by the time Phasma came back and hour later.

***

Kylo watched the dust coming out of the old boxes he had put down in a corner, the light coming from the window making the dust look like delicate sparkles. The sound of the last box was too heavy to his ears, even though it contained light objects inside. He took a deep breath, quietly to himself, not wanting Hux to take notice of that. He was _officially_ living with Hux now. They were living _together_.

This was going to be his new home.

He could see Phasma scanning the boxes next to him, so he rolled his eyes and brushed his anxiety away for a few minutes. She claimed that some video games belonged to her, but Kylo just made a sound of objection. After all these years, Kylo thought she’d learn how to share properly but he was clearly mistaken.   

The brunet heard Hux’s complaints, but they completely ignored him and kept discussing who the games belonged to. Kylo definitely didn’t want to keep going back and forth to their apartments, searching for his stuff. Kylo thought briefly of his paintings on the wall and he knew he was going to miss that. He slapped himself mentally, knowing he shouldn’t be worrying much in the first place. Hux was right. They lived right next door. No one and nothing was going anywhere.

Phasma was still going to be right there, waiting for him with open arms whenever he needed. She did just take care of him in this morning, before starting to move the boxes to Hux’s apartment. _Their_ apartment. He was feeling overwhelmed by all of this and he had an anxiety attack, he couldn’t breathe.

Kylo and Hux had been sleeping next to each other, with no wall separating them, for a few weeks now and they decided to make the change in their lives “official”. He was feeling a mix of happiness and fear. Kylo had lived the rest of his teenager years with Phasma, which was a long time and they were always together since then. Now, he was taking a huge step. _P is still going to be here. Stop worrying, dumbass. You have the two most important people in your life in the same room right now._

“This is NOT food,” Hux called his attention from the kitchen and he was grateful for that. The ginger man was waving a can, looking at it with a repulsed face.

He left Phasma and went to him, slowly humming. “Lunch,” he said and snorted when Hux gave a disgusted sound as an answer.

Kylo watched Hux talk to Phasma about lunch, and chuckled to himself when his big sister refused to stay with them eating salad. Both of them were going to have to get used to Hux’s eating habits, for what he could see. Kylo stuck his tongue out at Phasma after she threatened him, but she had already turned on her way out.

“You’re going to take that Batman game, aren’t you?” Hux asked slowly, squinting his green eyes at Kylo as if knowing what he was thinking already. Kylo grinned.

“Yep.”

“Well, snag the Zelda for me, too, alright?” Kylo smiled big and thought how much he loved that man.

***

They had talked him into ordering pizza. Hux hadn’t gotten pizza since he was a child, and even then it had not been his favorite thing. Maybe that was because his father and mother always tried to make it healthy pizza instead of just ordering what tasted good. Wheat crust, light cheese, and green bell peppers. He wondered how much different his life would have been if he had grown up on pepperoni and extra cheese.

They ended up with two enormous pizzas on the kitchen counter, plus a large order of breadsticks. One pizza for Kylo and one for Phasma. Hux tried a breadstick, then ended up eating half the order by himself.

They all managed to squeeze onto his couch in front of the tv to play Mario Cart, Phasma and Kylo fighting like kids as they ran each other off the course. Hux got elbowed several times in the ribs, but he didn’t complain. He was more interested in watching the enthusiasm on Kylo’s face and listening to Phasma’s bawdy laugh than actually playing when it was his turn.

All the noise and light and laughter that had been on the other side of the wall, while he sat alone in the quiet, had at last spilled over into his apartment. Into his life. He took another accidental elbow in the ribs and smiled.

Phasma finally left around midnight, after helping round up the scattered beer bottles and plates. Hux stared in disbelief at the nearly empty pizza boxes. He wrapped the last few pieces in plastic and put them in the fridge. He glared at the pizza boxes for several minutes, trying to figure out what to do with them. They were huge. What did one do with enormous greasy boxes? Kylo laughed at him.

“Are you going to stare at those all night?” he asked.

“Um.” Hux responded. “No?”

Kylo snorted. “Leave that, will you? Let’s go to bed, I can throw that away tomorrow.”

“Okay…” Hux said, feeling the familiar pang of leaving anything out on the counter. It was something they were working on and the more Kylo was around, making a complete _mess,_ the easier it was getting to distract himself from the urgent feeling of needing to pick up immediately.

He let Kylo take his hand and tug him down the hallway, past the formerly empty spare bedroom that was now being transformed into Kylo’s art studio, and into the bathroom where they each grabbed their toothbrush.

Hux kept meeting Kylo’s eyes in the mirror and giving him a shy smile. This was not an unusual routine for them at this point. But there was something about knowing that Kylo didn’t have to run next door to put on his pajamas that made this time feel special.

***

The rest of the day was them setting some of Kylo’s stuff in proper places and having a break for iced tea. His paintings were placed in the spare room. He couldn’t wait to paint more on these walls, in his own studio now. The brunet shook his anxiety off through all of that and they settled down for a pizza at the end of the day.

The smell of pizza and the sound of the video game, followed by shouts, filled their apartment. Kylo was surprised to find himself laughing and he was really enjoying their time together. He looked at Phas and Hux every now and then, loving to see their happy expressions. _Yes, this is perfect_ , he thought. _This is what I want._

He was going to hold onto small moments like that, simple things they can bring to life and keep as a bright memory.

A blanket of quietness fell upon the room once Phasma left and Kylo felt reality hitting him. He was tired from all the work done today and all his worrying drained him. Everybody talks about moving in at one point and imagining how great it would be, but no one really talks about the first night together. It was an awkward feeling mixed with joy. He wanted to do everything with Hux, but also felt uncertain if he should.

Once again, Hux brought him back by being… him. The ginger man was staring at the pizza boxes like they held all the answers to the universe, so he gently said they should go to bed instead of throwing the trash away right now. Hux gave up and followed him to the bathroom. Again, Kylo felt happy to share intimate moments with this man. His copper hair softly moving while he brushed his teeth and a beautiful pair of green eyes were staring at him.

Kylo took his shirt off before lying in bed. In the first weeks, Kylo took notice that Hux liked to sleep without pajama pants, the opposite of him. It was incredibly endearing to see Hux wearing one of his shirts too. The bed shifted when Hux’s weight touched the mattress to sleep next to him, and a soft cotton blanket fell on them.

He sighed, looking through half closed eyes at his lover. Hux’s piercing eyes, somehow shining through the darkness of the room and showing thoughts trapped inside of them. He waited a few seconds then, until Hux licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak in a low murmur.

“Kylo, how are you feeling?”

“Sleepy.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “I meant about… this.” He pointed between them and shook his head lightly. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything you don’t want or are not sure…”

Kylo slowly smiled and touched Hux’s cheek, caressing with his thumb. He moved to give Hux a kiss, tasting the mint flavor left by the toothpaste, and pressing their foreheads together. “I want this more than anything. We’re going to be fine.”

He hugged Hux then, sinking his face to the crook of his neck, knowing the latter liked to feel his weight and warm above him. The brunet loved the soothing movement of Hux’s breathing under him and Kylo smiled when he sighed, burying his nose in Hux’s hair. They were going to be fine. Of course, this was all new and scary. But they were together and that was the most important thing.

They murmured words of love before falling asleep in each other’s arms and they had peaceful dreams.

***

It was only a few days later that Hux got the text he had been dreading for weeks.

_Your mother is sick. When can you get here?_

Hux stopped in the middle of fixing dinner for the two of them. Kylo was sitting on the counter playing on his phone, not helping at all other than providing company, which suited Hux fine. He caressed Kylo’s knee or thigh as he passed him, stirring sauce or chopping vegetables, and Kylo laughed and read him bits of gaming news from the nerd blogs he followed.

This particular dinner -- something healthy that hopefully Kylo would actually eat -- took twenty minutes in the oven once the prep was finished, and Hux had been looking forward to their other new tradition of waiting-for-dinner-to-be-done sex.

The text killed the mood stone dead.

He just stared at the small screen, willing the text away, back into the ether from which it had appeared. Hux wondered, not for the first time, if he should just change his phone number and not tell his family.

Kylo noticed him standing frozen in the middle of the kitchen, so Hux showed him the text. He suddenly felt guilty about even touching Kylo as he angled the screen for him to read the two short sentences from his aunt.

He was a terrible son. He dreaded the thought of going to see his mother. He also felt stubborn. These episodes of hers never amounted to anything. Yet every time, Hux dropped everything to go be near her. She never even acted like she wanted him there and neither of them derived any comfort from his visits.

Plus, he had promised himself he would never set foot in his childhood home again.

Hux composed a text in reply. He showed the screen to Kylo wordlessly and his boyfriend nodded.

_I can’t make it back this week. Let me know when she’s home._

Simple, straightforward. _Normal._ His hands shook when he sent it.

The rest of the night, Hux jumped whenever his phone went off with alerts. They were all false alarms. His aunt never replied.

Hux felt like he had somehow walked across coals and not gotten burned. He still expected some form of terrible retribution for not going to see his mother the way he always had. He was breaking tradition, stopping the pattern… how was he getting away with this?

He tried to breathe. He focused on dinner and then on a movie with Kylo. He was so focused on not freaking out that when the knock on the door sounded, he actually jumped and spilled the bowl of popcorn he had been sharing with Kylo. He was about to beg Kylo to pretend they weren’t home, but Kylo was already opening the door.

It was Phasma. And a decidedly decent looking man with curly dark hair and a flirtatious grin on his face. He gave Kylo a once-over that had Hux’s blood boiling, and then turned the same look on Hux, taking him in from top to toe and giving a slow smile.

“This,” announced Phasma, “is my roommate upgrade, Poe Dameron.”

***

Kylo wasn’t surprised to see Phasma right in front of him. But he had to look down to look at someone else who was standing next to her, grinning happily despite the height difference between all of them. The man gazed at him up and down, and Kylo raised an eyebrow at that. The brunet was almost opening his mouth to ask what was going on, but the boy looked behind Kylo and checked his Hux out. Kylo glared at the man, suddenly feeling protective over his ginger. Phasma was the one to talk first, however, saying he was her new roommate.

The brunet cleared his throat to call the man’s attention back at him and gave a dry answer. “Hey, upgrade. Up here. I’m Kylo, this is Hux,” he nodded behind him.

The ginger man walked a few steps forward to listen to them properly, but he was still aware of his surroundings. Kylo made a mental note to a) never leave him alone with this Poe guy and b) make sure to take care of him, because his boyfriend has been all jumpy since the text message.

“Hi, guys! I hope we have fun times, huh?” Poe said cheerfully and waved like they were actually far away and not right in front of him, and put his hand back in the pocket of his dark jeans. Kylo squinted his eyes, not sure how to act around Poe yet.

Phasma said he would like to get to know the area a little better and Kylo might help him to find a job, since Poe was moving into this new neighborhood and she didn’t have the patience to do such a thing. Wanting to end this meeting for Hux’s sake, he shook his head as if organizing his thoughts.

“Sure, fine. Uh,” he looked back at Hux, who stared back at him. He wished he could talk to him before simply making plans so suddenly. “Why don’t you come to the cafe on our way to university? 7 o’clock, though. You better be here or we’re leaving without you.”

Poe said yes almost immediately and shook his head up and down. Kylo thought he looked like a happy black retriever. He gave one last look at Hux that made Kylo call his attention and tell him to go. Phasma just watched everything and snorted, before waving.

Once the door closed, he could hear Hux sighing in relief. The movie had the credits rolling on the screen and the bowl of popcorn was still on the floor. Kylo went to give Hux a hug and kissed his forehead, telling him he would take care of the living room while Hux got ready for bed. Kylo caressed his copper hair and felt Hux nod on the crook of his neck.

He watched his lover walk through the hallway and his shoulders were tense when he tucked some strands of hair behind his ear. Kylo sighed and looked back at the floor, the popcorn already cold. He distracted himself cleaning the room, trying to focus on the task before joining Hux in bed so they could sleep.

In the morning, their routine started once again. Kylo interrupted Hux several times by kissing him, until the ginger was breathless against the wall. When he was done buttoning his shirt, Kylo would undo one or two and laugh at the glare Hux would give him. That continued until a knock on the door could be heard.

Poe Dameron arrived precisely at 7am, winning a few points with Kylo for that. They said a short greeting and left the apartment. Kylo decided to be between Hux and Poe, holding his boyfriend’s hand lightly to assure they would walk together calmly.

Flirtation aside, Poe seemed like a cool guy. Kylo thought to himself since last night, that this roommate affirmed even more now that times had changed. For all of them. He would be a little jealous of this guy for a while, for sure. He would be taking his room, living with his sister. _He better not fuck with my paintings_.

He was totally going to remove their bed from the wall. They didn’t want anyone eavesdropping.

One way or another, if Phasma had already gotten Poe as a roommate, it meant he must really be a nice person. Kylo would have to take his chances on that.

When they arrived at the coffee shop, Poe looked around the place, taking it all in. Kylo watched his eyes stop on the counter. Finn was taking orders as always, a little bit in a rush since it was crowded this morning. Kylo tried not to smirk.

“What are you planning?” Hux whispered to Kylo.

“You’ll see.” He winked, and told Hux to sit at a table so he didn’t have to wait that long in line. He stepped up to the counter with Poe, and the brunet opened a big smile at the barista which made Finn look at him funny. He never did that so early in the morning.

“What happened?” Finn frowned at Kylo.

“Hey Finn, this is Poe.” He pushed Poe more toward the counter, almost making him fall, and watched Finn’s expression change completely, as if noticing the man for the first time. “He’s Phas’ new roommate.”

“Hi.” Poe gave what Kylo would dare to label his best smile. Full of charm. Finn was going to die.

Finn, who was holding two cups, stumbled on his words and almost dropped them. Kylo pretended to cough to hide his chuckle.

“‘S-Sup, hi. Hello. Finn, name,” He blinked and pointed at his name tag on the apron. “I mean, Finn is my name.” He cleared his throat and, as if trying to recompose his dignity, he added while pointing at Poe’s outfit: “Uh, nice jacket.”

It was a brown leather jacket that must have seen better days, but it suited Poe nonetheless. Even more when his eyes shined at Finn. “Thanks, man!”

“You need a job, right?” Kylo said to Poe, who nodded after taking his eyes off Finn. “Great. Hey Finn, guess what? Poe needs a job. Wouldn’t it be great if he helped you here? Fantastic, right?”

“Uh.”

“Great! Poe is gonna be a good barista, I’m sure of it. He’ll come here tomorrow. Now, my drinks, please. Hux is waiting.”

Poe looked like he was blushing a bit and Finn was all over the place, trying to act normal but being too frenetic. When the barista delivered their drinks, Poe winked at Finn and Kylo turned to look at Hux, who was covering his mouth with one hand to hide his smile.

“He’s pretty cute.” Poe said when they left the place.

Hux chuckled for the first time since the text message and whispered to Kylo. “You’re terrible!”

Kylo smirked. “Shut up, I’m awesome and you love it.”

***

Hux did not go see his mother and the world did not end.

Eventually, he stopped jumping every time he got a text, and when his aunt finally did get back to him, all the text said was, _Your mom is back home._

Before he could think too much about it and torture himself with what to reply, he typed out, _Good, thanks for letting me know._ And that was it. He could breathe again.

Kylo smiled softly at him from where he was adding the finishing touches to the mural on the living room wall, his painting shirt emblazoned with _“Artists ruin it for everyone”_ on the front and covered in messy slashes of sky-colored pigment. Hux let his eyes wander over Kylo’s frame, then over the bright wall, before finally trying to concentrate on the screen in front of him.

He was researching local galleries that would be interested in Kylo’s work, and he was also looking into what it would take to get Kylo into the professional mural business. His level of craftsmanship went beyond just doing living and dining rooms.

When he had mentioned his ideas to his resident artist earlier, Kylo had laughed and said that he would be happy doing people’s houses, that what Hux had in mind sounded too upscale for him.

“Absolutely not,” Hux had replied. “I sent a photo of the wall, not even finished yet, to the University vice president, and they are already interested in commissioning you for the new state-of-the-art library they are building this year. And that’s just the start.”

Kylo’s eyes had gone wide, and ever since he had been working on the mural non-stop. After seeing just how much it seemed to mean to Kylo, Hux had been finding more and more potential jobs for him. He even showed a picture of the mural to Finn, though it earned him a kick in the shin from an embarrassed Kylo. It had been worth it to see the barista’s face light up and his eyes travel to the wall behind the counter in a sort of dreamy haze.

“It sounds like the art museum might be interested in a mural along one of their gift shop walls,” Hux said, skimming through his inbox. “I’m going to give them a quote and an updated photo of the wall, is that alright with you?” He mentioned a figure he knew would be a reasonable price, and Kylo looked dizzy, but gave a slight nod.

After tapping out the email, Hux stretched and arched his back. Kylo was packing up his paints for the afternoon, the mural complete at last.

“Feel like spying?” Hux asked. Kylo’s face lit up with mischief.

“Hell yes,” he responded.

Twenty minutes later (ten of which were Hux talking Kylo out of wearing his Batman mask and cowl as a disguise) they stumbled into the cafe and plopped down at a table without even ordering anything.

Finn was teaching Poe how to steam milk, which apparently called for one hand to be placed on the small of the new barista’s back. When he looked up and saw them, both Hux and Kylo had their hands tucked under their chins, elbows on the table, and were batting their eyes at him.

Finn snatched his hand away and almost fell backwards in shock. Poe smiled and waved at them as he happily scorched the milk.

Hux and Kylo stayed a bit longer, until it was obvious that Finn was going to either have a heart attack or severely injure himself trying to act professional around Poe while they watched them like creepers. They got Thai food from down the street, a six pack of beer from the corner store, and then made their way back home.

Halfway through eating, Hux mentioned casually that his mom was back at home. Kylo nodded. Something between them loosened, felt more relaxed after that, even though Hux hadn’t even realized it had been strained in the first place. He sighed in contentment as he ate the rest of his pad thai with chopsticks and watched some ridiculous cartoon Kylo had picked out.

Sipping on his beer, Hux settled in at Kylo’s side. He could smell the now dry paint on Kylo’s t-shirt. It had a unique smell, one he associated only with Kylo. Hux picked at a dry glob of deep blue over Kylo’s heart and nuzzled into his neck.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said simply, surprised he hadn’t said it yet. He _felt_ it every day, when he walked into his apartment and was met with the bright wall and Kylo’s loud music. Or when he was home by himself, and the world seemed muted, hushed, all it took was for Kylo to walk in and the air seemed to wake up and shimmer. Life returning.

Hux ended up straddling Kylo’s hips, facing him on the couch, unsure of whether he had moved there himself or had been pulled. They were kissing and it was a deep intentional working of tongue and lips, needy and burning.

Kylo’s hands slid effortlessly through Hux’s smooth hair, and Hux got his fingers tangled in the dark mass of Kylo’s mane, bits of dried paint catching at his fingers. He loved the feeling of holding onto each other like this, as their hips worked against one another, sliding their erections together under their clothing to some primal drumbeat.

Kylo stripped him and then opened him up with slick fingers right there in the living room, the TV screen gone dark and neglected, the painting on the wall the only backdrop to his whispered moans and pleas for more. Hux felt Kylo’s fingers slip out of him after an eternity of sliding tongues and a working stretch deep inside him, aiming now and again for that bundle of nerves that was like lightning up his spine.

The redhead pulled himself up on his knees as Kylo aligned them. Then he was sinking down, Kylo’s cock parting Hux’s body, the feeling of _toomuchnotenough_ filling him up and knocking the breath from his lungs.

They rocked together, kissing, holding each other’s skulls in their hands, tipping their heads this way then that, licking, tasting, devouring. When Hux began to moan in earnest, the slide and bump of Kylo inside him nudging him closer to completion, Kylo let his hands fall to Hux’s slim hips and helped him control his movements as he started losing his rhythm to the building pleasure.

 _“Kylo,”_ Hux murmured, and then his length was being enveloped by a large hand with streaks of blue across the backs of the knuckles, and Hux came into that fist with a low, broken cry.

***

Kylo felt relieved when Hux mentioned his mother was back home. The small tension that fell between them was gone and he was glad, because he didn’t like seeing the ginger so concerned. Families could be complicated. Hard to deal with. However, Kylo knew they both were doing what was better for them. They had been through a lot, and now it was time for them to rest.

He looked at his lover for a moment and the other didn’t notice. He still couldn’t believe he had someone like Hux in his life. Sometimes he would be scared, thinking the man would disappear. That he would end up doing something irreversible and make him run away.

The brunet mentally shook his head, pushing negative thoughts far from him. Hux believed in him. When Kylo heard about the commission and propositions regarding his art, he was shocked. He never had put much faith in his work, the doubt that he wasn’t good enough and the voice of his mother was always whispering in his mind. Kylo felt overwhelmed at how much Hux loved his work and saw beauty in it.

So when the redhead sat on his lap and their lips met, Kylo felt loved. And he loved the warmth of their tongues touching each other, he loved to open Hux up and see him whimper. The noise of their skin hitting against one another filled the room along with their heavy moans. Kylo's mind was everywhere. Again, he couldn’t believe Hux was in his life. Hux _was_ his life.

He held Hux’s hips when the pleasure became too strong and he watched Hux’s gorgeous and delicate face. Kylo enveloped Hux’s length and then the redhead was coming with a delicious cry and all Kylo could think was _You’re mine. You’re mine. You’re mine._

Kylo sank his face into the crook of Hux’s neck and groaned when he came inside of his lover with one final thrust, his arms holding the ginger man protectively and showing possessiveness. Hux did the same, and he felt a light kiss pressed on his own neck. Both of them not wanting to let go.

A few minutes passed and Kylo knew they would start to feel uncomfortable soon, so he broke the peaceful silence.

“Hux?”

A hum. Kylo smiled.

“Aren’t you going to get up?”

He felt Hux shake his head, meaning no.

Kylo sighed, giving another smile, and got up while still holding the little man in his arms as if he didn’t weigh anything. He carried him to the bathroom so they could clean themselves up and then back to the bedroom. The bed was on the opposite side now, due to the recent human upgrade.

The brunet placed Hux in bed and he followed soon after. The bed was warm and soft. He made himself comfortable under the covers and they stared at each other with heavy eyes for a moment. Hux’s eyelashes was touching gently on his freckles whenever he blinked. The green of his eyes shining in the darkness of the room. Kylo put some of Hux’s hair behind his ear to see him better and kissed him lightly, lips resting on each other. A goodnight kiss. A promise for better times. A future. A lover.

Their breath mingled in the space between their two bodies, slowing as they both relaxed, slumping down into the mattress, into one another. Both heavier and more weightless. The distance between them dissolving as they drifted together, their pulses blending, becoming one strong beat, one single rhythm through their veins.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! 
> 
> We have treasured each comment and kudos as they came in, and we truly enjoyed the experience of writing something like this for you guys. Like I said before, we are much fluffier when we write together, so our solo (haha, Solo, get it?) works are a bit angstier, but please stop by and peruse for some more Kyluxy goodness.
> 
> Love from Pumpkin and Muffin


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